Thanks, but no thanks
March 23rd, 2010 § 15 Comments
Dear Double Sized Bed at the Baltimore Marriott Waterfront,
I feel it necessary to give a royal Internet shout out to you today, not because you’re awesome, but because you suck. One would think that such a gorgeous hotel that was filled with many guests would hold inside it the world’s most comfortable beds that could make the claim of sleep like one had never had sleep before. Oh no. Hell no.
Perhaps it was me who’s to blame for the way you rocked my body after two nights sleep. I mean, I did come in and just throw 30 pounds worth of luggage onto you without so much as a bed bounce or a friendly collapse of relaxation. Perhaps you decided this was unfair treatment. I can see that. Or maybe it was that I only spent minimal time each night with you as I was out being social in your fair city. Did the green-eyed monster creep into your springs Friday night and decide to wreak havoc on my upper back?
Being a fan of a harder mattress sans springs (IKEA, you should expect a love letter some time in the near future) I knew you and I wouldn’t be the best of friends right away, what with your soft mattress pad and your incredibly stuffed down pillows. However, it would have been nice if we could have just smiled and air kissed one another instead of you stabbing me in the back like some heartless high school “popular girl.” I surely can’t wait to get back into training for the half marathon now, oh won’t that be fun?
So, thanks but no thanks, bed. After waking up with shooting pain at 2 a.m. yesterday, walking around like Frankenstein and dropping a cool Ulysses S. Grant to have a massage-therapist-by-day-martial-arts-instructor-by-night chop suey me, I am still reminded of the time we spent together. To me, your presence in my life is like that of a gay man: you’re beautiful to look at and we had a lot of fun choosing outfits for me to wear each day, but when it came time to hit the sheets, you just weren’t my type.
Love,
Caitlin
Hahahah…omg. Those beds sucked ass.
Ugh… that is the worst! My friend and I stayed at a Hilton a few weeks ago- a freakin’ Hilton! One of the worst nights of sleep I’ve had in months… grr.
Ha ha! I hate hotel beds!
ahahahhahhahahaha. this KILLED me.
Ugh, don’t you hate that! You think that spending extra money on a nice hotel would equal a nice bed – I kinda feel like it usually works the other way. Fancy Hotel = Fancy Bed = NOT comfortable!
YOU.KILL.ME. That last line was AWESOME!!!! Oh universe, please align so that we may be reunited soon!
BAAHAHAH! I think I’m the only one who DIDN’T notice how bad they were. But that’s me. I can seriously sleep anywhere!
hahaha you crack me up. no joke, i love you
Hilarious post! Just sorry you’re sore xxx
You’re hilarious! Those beds really did blow.
This cracked me up, the last line especially
I feel badly that you had such a crappy sleep situation, but it resulted in such a hilarious post…
I hate when you pay for a room at a hotel and get a horrible night sleep
You made me laugh though!
You know, back problems are just a sign that old age is coming to bite you on the ass. I didn’t have a prob with the beds b/c I’m so young. hehe
(Actually, I think i’m older than you!)
I miss you already! I hope all is well (besides the back)!
That just means you have to stay with me next time you come here. I’ll make you a bed out of plywood and cinderblocks…nice n’ cozy.
I wish you would have made it rain on your masseuse instead of one USG. In my mind it was a shower of GDubs.
Wow that really sucks. I guess you won’t be buying one off of their site, eh?? lol