Empirical Happiness
September 29th, 2010 § 7 Comments
Thank you all so much for the love yesterday. It’s been a wonderful cause for celebration and you all are such a great part of my happiness.
However, please excuse my absence this week -
I may never return.
This is going to serve as my daily reminder to make money, save money and get my own place I can fill with beautifully mismatched overpriced dishes.
And this will be my daily inspiration to do just that.
A friend once told me: “Trust in love and it will take you where you need to go.” I want to add, Trust in what you love, continue to do it, and it will take you where you need to go.”
-Natalie Goldberg, Writing Down The Bones
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One
September 28th, 2010 § 25 Comments
You know that song -
One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do..
Sometimes I would have to agree.
Now is not that time.
You see, today is the birthday of The Twenty-Fifth Year.
One year ago I sat down and recounted the experience of my first road race.
One year ago I decided to take my brother’s advice and start writing again. He urged me to start a blog, if only for myself and unpublished. The idea seemed to just enter my head on a whim. The Twenty-Fifth Year. A quarter century. A slice of life for someone turning – and living – 25 in 2009 and 2010.
I remember blowing out the candles on my cake last year, knowing I was going to start this and wishing:
I hope this takes off. I really hope something amazing and great comes from blogging.
The Twenty-Fifth Year. My Twenty-Fifth Year.
It was not one in which I launched a well-known blog and made myself an Internet star. It was not one that brought me success in a writing position or even a book deal. It was not one in which I fell in love, got engaged, married or had a baby. It was not one that was filled with the stress of buying a house or interviewing for a new job. It was not one that I grieved through from the loss of a loved one.
It was so much more.
It was the year of challenges. I challenged myself to complete a 5K for my birthday. Then a 5 mile race on Thanksgiving. Then a half marathon in May.
It was the year of changes. I froze my credit cards, took a break from materialistic purchases and got a handle on my debt.
This year, I had my heart broken. I suffered through intense stress. I cried a lot. I relied on the swift actions of my friends who swooped down below me and raised my spirits when times were tough.
I found my faith. I came to appreciate and utilize the Bible, found an amazing church and made God part of my every day.
I stopped fighting my curls. I started putting spinach in a blender. I started investing money into things like compression sleeves and natural peanut butter. I got a Garmin Forerunner for Christmas.
I discovered a community of wonderful people who loved to write and appreciated health. They were the ones I could count on for encouragement, compassion, laughter and love. They expanded my circle across the country and deep into my heart. Some of them I’ve been lucky enough to meet and revel in the amazing way in which it doesn’t even take a millisecond to feel their life and mine line up, side by side, as if we’d known each other all along.
It was the year I decided to take a giant leap of faith and move myself half-way across the country when the opportunity presented itself.
It was the year my life really changed.
I don’t mind aging. In fact the older I get, the more I genuinely like myself. I appreciate my strengths and recognize my weaknesses. I build confidence. I look back on past experiences and reflect on the lessons learned and the strength gained.
In short, this year feels like one in which my adult life has really began. I know I will always look back at the last 12 months as ones that have shaped me like no others before it. For that reason, I’ve decided to stay put and keep my name. I may not be 25 anymore, but what 25 was to me is so monumental that I feel it’s only right to continue acknowledging it.
We like to put people in boxes sometimes. 5 and under. Under 18. 18-21. Over 65. Under 30. College students. X generation. Y generation. Baby boomers. Retirees. Senior Citizens. Preschoolers.
If you gave me a form and asked me to check off the boxes that apply, I’m sure I could do it. When it’s in black and white, it’s easy enough. Life, though, is not a series of check the box that best applies. It’s life. I’m still not sure where I fit in all the time, and for the first time, I’m OK with that. It may feel like it’s one – me against the world – and even if it is, I think I can handle it. I’ve got one year under my belt and with that knowledge, one doesn’t feel so lonely after all.
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Anticipation
September 24th, 2010 § 19 Comments
What happens when you get two bloggers who have the same ridiculous pose – that just so happens to be captured in a photo – together?
I’m not really sure, but I can’t wait to find out.
That would be the uber-talented and absolutely hilarious Rachel Wilkerson, a friend who has taught me to own it, made me laugh and more importantly, made me think and want to be better. She has a wealth of knowledge to share with you, no matter if you come as a reader, a blogger, a writer, a foodie, a lover of fitness or someone who just appreciates a woman for being raw, real and not holding back.
This weekend, I’m going to be spending some time in Houston with this lovely woman, my brother and sister-in-law to mark the celebration of my Twenty-Sixth Year, which happens to fall on Sunday. I cannot even begin to tell you just how much my life has changed since the last time I made a wish and blew out the candles. I’m saving that for next week, when my little corner of the block here marks the big 365 days.
Nothing major is changing here – this blog won’t suddenly turn into a pumpkin come midnight tomorrow. I’ll explain everything very, very soon. But if you’ll excuse me, there is some fun to be had.
I hereby encourage you to do a little something extra this weekend in my honor. Yell at your GPS, run around with a bag of chia seeds in your mouth, indulge on something nice for yourself, even if you are in clearwater and just laugh. My goodness, I do a lot of that. I hope by visiting here, if I don’t leave you thinking, then I leave you laughing. But for now, won’t you join me in a little celebration? It is my champagne birthday, after all.
Cheers!
Intervention
September 22nd, 2010 § 17 Comments
Sometimes I find it kind of misleading to place myself in the category of healthy living blogs. This is not the place to find a great recipe or a new work out. This is not the place to read an inspiring weight loss story. I don’t have a contract with Foodbuzz. I don’t have giveaways with amazing products sent to me by companies who love my blog. I don’t have a regular workout routine that I write about and I can probably count on two hands the number of dinners I have cooked since I took up space on the Internet.
The best breakfast I've ever had.
That is all perfectly fine by me. I’ve never had a great passion for talking about food aside from making restaurant recommendations and sharing horror stories from my kitchen.
What interests me about food is how it affects our bodies. Specifically, mine. I’m selfish, I’ll admit it.
Now just because I don’t have a passion for writing and talking about food doesn’t mean I don’t have a passion for eating it. Ah, yes. I have my fair share of favorites, and while I am not ever one to snub my nose up at greens (thanks, Mom.) I really, really love food that does not love me back. Sugary sweets, sneaks of candy, cake, brownies – they are my weakness. Casseroles dripping with cheese and pasta are a comfort. And I really love convenient foods. I’m not talking about the golden arches (thank God I am not addicted to that) but things that come in little handy packaging. The biggest culprit of all? Bars. Luna bars, CLIF Bars, Nutri-Grain bars. Also, packets of snack crackers – mainly Goldfish and Annie’s. I bought in bulk and I ate in bulk. I ran every day and still I didn’t see the changes in my body I was looking for.
Let me squelch any “bad thoughts” you may be having at this point.
I don’t think I am fat. I actually love my body more and more each day and can appreciate it for what it is. I absolutely hate fat talk and you will probably rarely, if ever, hear me engage in it. I don’t think anything is wrong with eating comfort foods and bars. What I do think is wrong is eating them every day. At least for my body, which if measured up to a BMI chart in any doctor’s office will tell you I am classified as overweight. People tend to dismiss that reality and tell me I’m not, but I know it and I can feel it.
Last weekend I stepped on the scale for the first time in a long time (as in I can’t remember the last time I did) and the number staring back at me was scary. It was the highest number I’d ever seen. I decided it was time for an intervention.
I decided to call upon Michael. Michael is my cousin who I also refer to as my “trainer.” He is up-to-date on the latest fitness and well-being news and is very, very educated when it comes to knowing how the body works and how to make changes and see results. He’s created a few workout programs for me that worked beautifully. In combination with eating better, I toned up and lost weight and saw great results in about a month.
That was two years ago.
At the peak of great health.
Sure I’ve been exercising on a more consistent basis in the last year. I know I’m certainly not a couch potato. But my body is different now. As I am about to add another year to my life, I can see how differently my metabolism reacts to the same foods I could eat without hesitation just a few years ago.
Michael suggested I use a Web site called fitday.com to track my food. When I saw the pie chart break down my carbs, fats and protein intake the first day, I couldn’t believe it. I never realized how much things really added up.
What he told me to put in my body really wasn’t any rocket science, it was just hard to accept.
Poultry, fish, veggies, some fruit, water. Protein – lots of it.
Breakfast and lunch weren’t a big problem and although he’d probably like me to, I am not cutting out every single carbohydrate in my diet. I still need some flavored creamer in my coffee. I still need some kind of crunch to take away the tang of Greek yogurt.
Yesterday, we had a conversation, via text that went like this:
Me: Now I really hate you. OK not really, I am just bored with food.
Michael: What have you been eating?
Me: Vegetables, eggs and Greek yogurt. And some cheese. And Grape-Nuts.
Michael: Cheese is the devil. I don’t recall authorizing Grape-Nuts.
Me: No, granola is the devil. Grape-Nuts are the best I can find.
Michael: Anything that is processed is the devil. That stuff tastes good.
Me: My biggest challenge is dinner.
Michael: Fish or poultry. You need to find a good source of protein. Comfort foods are out. Put the warm tasty casserole down. (He knows me so well)
So I made a trip to the market, picked up some goods and told Michael about it.
Michael: Perfect!! Grilled shrimp is probably in my top five favorites list.
Me: Funny, s’mores are in mine.
Michael: Lose the sugar, lose the weight.
As you can see, it’s a love/hate relationship. Michael knows I need someone to give me the truth straight up. I don’t need anyone to be fluffy and say try again tomorrow. I also don’t need anyone calling me a bitch and telling me to put down the disgusting Diet Coke (a la “Skinny Bitch.”)
So far it’s been hard. I’m more of a cold turkey kind of quitter than slowly weaning myself away from a bad habit so this approach is working fine. This weekend is my birthday which inevitably means sweets and a savory meal or two. I’m not going to throw my hands up and declare I can’t enjoy any of it – that’s not what life is about. I’m simply going to make the best choices I can given the situation. If it’s cake, then it’s one moderate piece, not the whole corner (not that I know anything about that.) If it’s a choice between pasta and a salad, I think you know which way I am going here.
I will never turn down candles and cake.
So there you have it – my latest foray into exploring a new sector of my health. I’m all about moderation and enjoying life, but I’ve let that be the excuse for too long. I evaluated my life space and this is one of the things that has to go. Perhaps this realistic attitude, then, is what makes me a healthy living blogger.
I know you probably read and write about it every day, but what does your “healthy living” look like? Has your body changed and in turn, you’ve made changes with it?
Inventory
September 20th, 2010 § 13 Comments
Before I get into anything here, I just want to extend the most sincere and warmest thank you that is possible to send out across the Internet, into the many spaces of it that you all occupy. The support on my last post was amazing and unexpected. I always say how much of a blessing this community is and I mean it! You all are such a light in my life.
Now, onto something else that brings me so much joy and light – my faith. It’s been awhile since I shared a story from my pastor and that’s partly due to the fact that I don’t live in Pittsburgh any more. However, I do have the ability to watch one of the services streaming live on Sunday. As much as I’d like to actually find a home church here, every Sunday I find myself pulling up a cup of coffee to my laptop and tuning in. Not once have I regretted it.
This week, my pastor spoke about something I think we could all put a bit more focus toward. There were many relevant points in his message but the resounding theme was this: audit your life space.
What does that mean? It means something different to everyone, I suppose. In general, it means take a look at what’s in your every day, and that not only means your relationships, your job, your family and your peers, it means your mindsets, your attitudes, your behaviors, your emotions.
How many of them are preparing you for the next promotion in your life? Again, think outside the box on this one – “promotion.” This doesn’t necessarily mean a job. To me it means the next higher level of something you really want in life.
On the opposite side of the spectrum – how many of those things are weighing you down? My pastor compared it to boarding a flight. Before you can even head down the jetway, if you’re carrying on luggage, it has to meet a weight requirement. If it exceeds the maximum, you have two choices. You can either empty some of its contents or you can pay a higher price to check it.
I don’t know about you, but I hate baggage fees (sorry Southwest does not apply to this lesson) and I will do anything in my power to keep my bags light and able to fit in the overhead compartment, even if it means forsaking a pair of shoes or a third pair of jeans for my 2-day trip.
When it comes to life, then, why are we so headstrong in packing it with so much unnecessary weight? Everyone’s answer to this is again, different. For me, it’s because I have suffered from Superwoman Syndrome far too many times in my life. I wanted to do it all, be it all and still maintain some pep in my step. I had a high-stress job in management, often times working well over 40 hours a week – and it was no 9-to-5 job. For the better part of the last year I was training for a race. I tried several times, and to no avail, to foster a romantic relationship. I agreed to every lunch date, every night out, every social opportunity. I absolutely loved my time in Pittsburgh, don’t get me wrong. But I was burning out fast. I had anxiety through the roof, I couldn’t sleep at night, so many days and nights were filled with tears. I thought the only way for me to be happy was by way of a well-paid job, a planner full of activity and a phone that never stopped ringing. I prayed and prayed and asked for a sign – my promotion – and my move to Texas was the answer.
It’s been quite the slow down here. I’m only working part-time. I run when I can. I have very few social engagements to commit to. I’m certainly not looking for any relationship right now.
It’s not been easy, but I asked for this. It’s my “norm” for now.
I evaluated my life space and I got rid of the extra jeans and shoes in my bags. I freed up some space, handed over my boarding pass and took my place in seat 13A – because you know homegirl ain’t payin’ $25 each way to check her luggage.
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Snapshots
September 15th, 2010 § 6 Comments
Not much time for thoughts and words today so I leave you with a few photos and my new favorite quote I stumbled upon. I think as bloggers, you’ll all love it, too.
(In case you haven’t noticed, I really really love the sunsets here.)
And now via Kelle Hampton, from Natalie Goldberg’s Writing Down the Bones:
“A writer’s job is to make the ordinary come alive, to awaken ourselves to the specialness of simply being. A writer is a visitor from the Midwest to New York City for the first time, only she never leaves the Midwest; she sees her own town with the eyes of a tourist in New York City. And she begins to see her life this way too.”
What are your favorite quotes? I am a quote collector so bring it on!
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Mission: Coffee Shop
September 14th, 2010 § 18 Comments
Today I’d like to share with you a new little habit I’m forming in my new little big world of Austin. On my last post I told you I’d be doing more exploring, which I did. I was also drinking copious amounts of coffee. Let that be the ongoing theme here.
I was writing to you from Mozart’s Coffee Roasters, a gorgeous lakeside oasis if I might be so dramatic to describe. I was a bad blogger and didn’t get any exterior shots so please feel free to check out their site and be jealous. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Mozart’s was my first stop on what’s sure to be a long tour of java joints and cozy cafes I plan to visit in the coming months. As much as I enjoy getting things accomplished via the Internet from the comfort of my own home, I find many things to be, well, distracting. The kitchen – filled with crack, remember – is the most notorious culprit.
On these off days, then, I’ve been packing up my Mac, slugging some water and a few snacks and hitting up a coffee shop. Mozart’s was recommended by my brother, and what a fabulous recommendation it was. The atmosphere is ideal for an array of visitors. Of course there were fellow patrons practically painted into the woodwork, hunched over their laptops and highlighting their textbooks, multiple mugs drained, plates speckled with crumbs. I’d think they are those who stake their coveted spots by the outlets early and most likely stay throughout the day, plugging away.
There were relaxed readers, free from any technology wiring them down, simply enjoying the simplicity of a beverage and a book. There were groups and couples, engaged in conversation – both serious and light-hearted. I fell somewhere in between; getting work done but taking part in my own online social networks.
The bottomless cup of coffee was genius. I asked the barista to add some vanilla flavoring and it was refreshing. The trick was getting to it before the sun on the deck did. Parking was free at Mozart’s and it wasn’t hard to find. Although it was tempting, I didn’t try any of their pastries, but my goodness did they look like something out of the finest bakery in New York.
Yesterday, I switched up my location and headed downtown to Halcyon a coffee/bar/lounge. This spot was chosen on a whim by way of a Google search. The goal was to have lunch and coffee and their hummus wrap was calling my name. Bad blogger again not taking any photos of the building or my fare. Blame it on my starving stomach. Or my discomfort in taking pictures of my food in public. You pick. Either way, it was delicious and exactly what I’d been craving.
What I can tell you and show you about Halcyon is that their coffee is amazing.
I believe with the advent of drive-thrus we’ve become a bit spoiled as coffee consumers. While I enjoy the green and white convenience on every corner, yesterday I had to remind myself that the making of this particular beverage is an art. The barista took her time, methodically layering my coffee with the ingredients that transformed it into a mocha. And that foam on top? My goodness. I can’t get over it. It was light and sweet, perfect for sipping and dipping animal crackers into.
Oh yes. They did.
The coffee’s flavor was strong and bold, but not overly so. It was not bitter, or burnt or anything but delicious. If you read this blog at all, you know I don’t talk much about food, so when I do you know it’s good.
I spent a very long time at Halcyon, this time indoors so as not to melt. The crowd was a mixed bag of people making business deals and holding meetings, students and the after-work crowd coming to unwind. The great thing about this place is that not only do they serve lunch and coffee, they also have a full bar and a menu of fun appetizers and treats including s’mores, roasted tableside. That concept in itself is enough to get me to make a trip back when I’m not covered head to toe in sweat.
I got quite a good deal of work done and was surprised to see the hour rounding to 7 o’clock when I started to pack up. After wandering for a good 10 minutes to find my parking garage (oy) and forking over a small fortune for my afternoon slice of happiness, I left the city feeling pretty accomplished and ready to research and hit up another place later this week, continuing my efforts to see and be seen throughout Austin.
After writing all that, I just realized I haven’t even had my daily cup yet – sacre bleu!
Where do you like to spend your free time?
How do you get to know a new city?
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Sittin’ on the dock of the lake
September 10th, 2010 § 10 Comments
Please update your readers and subscriptions – homegirl’s got her own domain! http://feeds.feedburner.com/twentyfifthyear/NwxV
Hola friends!
I’m currently drinking mass amounts of (bottomless) iced coffee, staring at Lake Austin, researching my dream house (it must have a porch and a bright red door. Also, a boat in the back yard.) If you’d like – and I really hope you do – check out my guest post over at A Foodie Stays Fit. It’s the full monty story of how I overcame my bad habits and addictions and adopted a healthier lifestyle. Then you should add her to your bookmarks and Readers because she is an amazing writer and a very dear blend of mine.
Happy weekend! What are your plans? I plan to explore Austin a bit more and I am SO excited!
I’m Spent
September 7th, 2010 § 16 Comments
‘Ello!
I hope you enjoyed your holiday weekend. Labor Day was a very big deal for me this year because it marked the end of an era.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Summer Spending Challenge is officially over.
In case you’re just catching up, let me give you the skinny. In May, I decided I needed to take further control of my debt and my spending habits by prohibiting the purchase of anything material – clothes, shoes, jewelery, etc. I challenged my readers to join me, but given what feedback I did receive – panicked emails telling me of a purchase some of you just couldn’t resist – I think the only other person who made it through was Andrew (and he paid off his debt entirely!)
It wasn’t easy, especially right out the gate when I thought I was going to have a panic attack in The Limited. I was so used to getting whatever I wanted (within some reason) whenever I desired that when I stripped that luxury cold turkey, being exposed to others doing it shot my nerves within minutes.
I was fortunate enough to receive several pieces of clothing as gifts throughout the summer – a few tank tops and t-shirts, a dress and a skirt – but it paled in comparison to what I’d normally buy.
I’m not complaining, though. In fact, I’m celebrating. I paid off two of my credit cards this summer and as far as I’m concerned, they’re never leaving their comfy little slot in my wallet again.
You might think that when I realized yesterday was Labor Day, I’d spring out of bed, coupons and savings card in hand, itching to go to the mall.
Sorry, but you’d be wrong.
The only place I ended up going was Kohl’s and I was actually in search of a slip for a new dress my Mum bought me last week. When I couldn’t find what I was looking for, I decided to wander the store a bit and see what I’d been missing out on for almost four months.
I slowly walked the aisles, humming along to the music, reaching out to touch the fabric of beautiful shirts, sweaters, skirts. I scoured racks for my size, pulled the hanger out, admired the piece and moved on. The thrill was gone.
Until I found something I’d been searching for.
I believe the name of the piece I bought is “flyaway sweater.” I admired one similar on Alex during our road trip – a light sweater perfect for layering with long panels in the front meant to wrap or simply throw over your shoulder.
Just my luck – or rather as it always seems at Kohl’s – the sweater was on sale and homegirl had a coupon. I bought two. I seem to always be freezing at home so I wore it all night and I’m wearing it now. This is what we call an investment piece. I’m secretly very excited to wear it on a plane. There’s something about wrapping myself in a soft sweater that is just so comforting.
I’ve still got a long way to go with the debt monster. I’ve got a plan and I’m looking forward to doing the happy dance – or heck even some fist pumping – with each card I pay off.
The greatest thing about this challenge, though, isn’t the lighter stack of bills. It’s proving to myself I can be strong-willed and accomplish something. It’s simplifying my life even further. It’s keeping that will and knowing the difference between maxing out and maximizing my dollar. The rush of shopping and finding a great deal is still, well great, but so is the deep gratitude for the once overlooked things in my life without a price tag.
Have you ever challenged yourself to accomplish something totally outside your comfort zone? How did you do?
Anyone make it through summer on the challenge with me?
What Is A Blend?
September 3rd, 2010 § 28 Comments
Have you ever ran in the rain before? When it’s a choice I make (and not an unexpected “surprise” like at my half marathon) I really love it. It cools down the Earth and emits this great scent – what I imagine clouds to smell like. Running in the rain makes me feel hardcore. I love the stares I get from passersby like I am nuts for getting soaked while doing something like that.
A very early morning email prompted my day to suddenly turn around. I hadn’t planned on running but when I looked out the window and saw a gray world, I geared up, leaving my sunglasses and Camelbak at home. I felt lighter and ran better than I have since my move.
As I ran, my mind felt lighter, too. Instead of thinking about how much my ankle hurt or how much longer I had until I reached my next mile marker, I thought about what I was actually feeling. You know, in my environment around me. It didn’t take long until the rain drops were covering me, rolling down my arms, face, back. Yet at the same time, I was still hot so my body was doing its best to cool itself off, so I was sweating as well.
There came a point where I couldn’t tell which was which. The sweat and the rain just rolled together completely covering me.
Stay with me – I have a point.
If you’ve hung around the blogosphere or just been a regular reader of mine, you have heard the term, “blend.” You may think it’s cute, or trite or kitschy or annoying. You may use it yourself. You may have no idea what I’m talking about.
A blend is a term that Carrie (my former roommate and very good friend) coined this year after hearing me talk endlessly about “my blogger friend…”
Blend = blogger friend.
As I round the corner to my next birthday and the anniversary of The Twenty-Fifth Year, I have a lot of thinking and thanking to do. My blends are at the forefront of this.
If I rewind to last September, the thought of stumbling onto so many blogs brings a coy smile to my face. So many of the writers were crucial to me coming back into myself – igniting the flame inside me that had almost dwindled down to a flicker. They encouraged me to continue writing and reminded me of my knack for words. How could I have known one simple comment could change everything?
Throughout the course of twelve months, there have been thousands of emails, late night and early morning gchat conversations, encouraging Tweets, “You-won’t-believe-this” phone calls, some painful runs, hilarious Skype dates, quirky text messages, exciting meet-ups, crazy nights out, three-hour heart-to-hearts, a million hugs and a few tearful goodbye.
As near and dear as I hold my “in real life” friends to my heart, my blends have a special place, too. They get it. They know what it’s like to be frustrated over traffic and overwhelmed by Google Reader. They share my sentiments when a post by a fellow blogger touches me or shocks me. They don’t find it strange or embarrassing when I take pictures of random things with the explanation, “It’s for the blog!” They don’t find it rude when I Tweet, email or check my phone relentlessly when we are out.
They keep me in line, keep my priorities in check, keep me smiling, teach me, reach me, inspire me and love me. Every day I find more and more. Every time I do, my life is enriched somehow.
The true beauty of it all – this community and the wonderful people who are a part of it – is that at some point the line that separates the Internet from the world outside your front door disappears. It doesn’t matter if you meet these people or they remain connected to your life only through wires and signals. They blend together with the friends you have in your life every day. And before you know it, you can’t tell the difference between the two – all you know is you’re covered in drops and you feel so good.
How has blogging changed your life in terms of the people you’ve met? I encourage you to share here, or write your own post about your blends! Lets make this weekend a three-day celebration of the people who have contributed to this crazy little thing we do!
The flame
September 16th, 2010 § 74 Comments
There was a time – in what feels like another life – that I was a reporter. I worked for a weekly newspaper in Philadelphia. I covered such an array of subjects and people – I wrote about schools, the Mayor and City Council, theater, art, doctors, restaurants, criminals, authors and even a few celebrities (Patti LaBelle sang “Lady Marmalade” to me one afternoon.) Every week I poured myself into my stories. I might not have loved the assignment initially but I learned to love some part of it. Every word was well-crafted, (and edited) every inch of text had my heart all over it. Come Thursday morning, I’d watch the stacks on every corner of South Philadelphia dwindle down as the papers were distributed. I’d walk into my office with a bit on anticipation. Was the message light on my phone blinking? Were there emails praising or criticizing my work? Even though I’d seen the pages being laid out for days, I thumbed through the issue with pride. I loved – correction, love – seeing my name in print.
Some weeks, I heard nothing. No good, no bad. No “thank you” no “screw you” (yes, you get that in a newspaper). Nothing.
Now that I’m not working on deadline, now that I’m not scanning wires and newspapers and forums and developing ideas, things have shifted a bit. I’m still writing, but I’ve got the freedom to write about myself and my interests. I can use “me,” “my,” “mine.” As a journalist, you just don’t do that.
However.
I still get excited every time I post. I seek the thrill in being inspired to write something. I love that I can write as often as I want and see my “name” in print at my will.
I’ve been blogging for nearly a year and while every post is received differently, I can tell you there’s been times I’ve waited in anticipation and heard nothing. Sometimes when I really put my heart into the words found here, when my fingers seem to grace the keys without a hesitation, when it just flows, I don’t get the response I seek. My inbox doesn’t flood with emails. My stats are stagnant. I may not get many or even any comments. I sit here and think, “Why?!? I’m writing about something no one else has! This isn’t about breakfast, lunch and dinner – this is from my heart- I’m really exposing myself, here! Doesn’t that count for something??’
Have you ever felt this way? Whether you’re new to the game, an established blogger, someone who gets hundreds of hits or could only wish to get 100 hits, have you ever felt this way?
It’s OK. It’s OK not to receive comments.
It’s OK to be mad about it.
When I was a reporter, my stories were held in the hands of over 65,000 people. I was in their homes, spread out on their kitchen tables, stacked up with their bills and mail. Tossed in the trash by the start of the next week. Hell, I’m sure they made a nice drop for painting projects, padding for packing and perhaps even the lining of a few bird cages.
At times, I’d get frustrated when Thursday would come and pass and I wouldn’t hear any feedback from the community I wrote for. As time went on, responses generated. People looked for my byline. They started to trust me – otherwise an outsider up until that point. They started calling me. It was my writing they wanted to tell their story. I’ll never forget the thank you cards, notes, emails, comments, letters to the editor, flowers and love I felt from the community. It made me want to write more, write better – give something back to them.
I feel the same can be said for blogging. When I first began, I was desperate to know exactly who was reading and what they thought. I wanted to feel appreciated and loved – like I was making a difference. When the comments were few and far between, it was frustrating. When my stats were low so was I.
Things have picked up in the last 12 months. I’ve neglected The Twenty-Fifth Year a number of times, but I’ve gotten to the point where I know I have a community. I know they appreciate me, love me and get something from my writing. I’ve gotten the emails, the comments, the inquiries for guest posts. I’ll never forget what it felt like to receive a wave of support when I’ve really put it all out there. It made me want to write more, write better.
But it wasn’t like that from the beginning. It took time. I had to get past the initial disappointment when I didn’t get comments and feedback and response. I had to establish myself here, gain the trust of others. I had to be tenacious and write for myself and about what mattered to me. I had to show gumption and stick around. I had to be OK with the reality that sometimes, there just aren’t comments but that doesn’t mean you aren’t doing something for someone.
The point here? Keep truckin’ friends. Keep writing. Keep clicking publish. Keep engaging in the community. Keep encouraging others. It is what you make it, after all. Think of it this way – blogging is a big pot of water. You put it over a flame of passion. At first the water makes no movement. You watch and nothing happens. When you shift your focus on something else, the flame still burns. Tiny bubbles start to form. Before you know it, it’s a full on rolling boil. You come back to the flame and you’ve got victory! What you choose to add into the water at this point is solely up to you – boiling water can change the fate of so many things, including yourself.