Throw It In The Bag
October 29th, 2010 § 12 Comments
Because it’s Friday, you don’t want to read, and I look pretty fierce down there with that lip gloss.
Also, I like to make fun of myself.
Do we have any of the same things in our bag? What’s in yours?
Sometimes
October 27th, 2010 § 15 Comments
Sometimes, I like to slip off the radar. Go unseen. Duck out for a little bit, which inevitably means coming back to this:
Sometimes, I like to just pretend I didn’t just see things like that.
It’s kind of like eating candy for breakfast. You know you shouldn’t, but it just feels so good.
Sometimes, I just need to pour myself into the things I love doing.
Sometimes, I have to remember how good it feels to do and give.
And sometimes, I’ve just gotta laugh. I recommend starting with The Office Season 1 and working your way up from there.
Sometimes, it’s all about taking in the beauty of a simple pleasure in life.
Because, let’s face it, sometimes life doesn’t look like it’s going to give you much to work with.
And sometimes, it spells it right out for you.
No matter which side of the coin your day lands on, I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re doing something for you. I hope you’re remembering that sometimes, life is scary. Sometimes, life changes. Sometimes, you make the right decisions and sometimes, you don’t. Sometimes, you might feel like giving up and sometimes, you might feel like flourishing. It’s all part of the balance, I suppose. As hard as it can be to get through the times where it’s dark and you’re unsure, sometimes, all it takes is simply looking up to see the light.
What do you just gotta do sometimes?
Film & Food
October 21st, 2010 § 13 Comments
Last night, I was spoiled.
Last night, all five of my senses were indulged.
I saw the most beautiful displays of food I’d ever laid eyes on. There was the extraordinary – Tuna bocadito w/ red chili aioli & smoked salmon eggs. There was the traditional – artisan breads with locally made olive-oil. There was the exquisite – a variety of french pastries.
There were so many people there that it made it difficult to nab lots of great shots. If you were there, I was the girl with the crazy hair, getting all contortionist with myself amidst the masses trying to capture what I honestly have a hard time finding words to describe. I was also very, very hot. I don’t know why I keep forgetting I subject myself to face melting 2010 every time I step outside my air-conditioned abyss.
That was a selection from the duck table. No thank you very much. I did, however eat boar. Yes, I did, and it was amazing. It was slow roasted wild boar belly with a blackberry gatrique and soft white corn polenta and you know what? I didn’t hate it.
In true Austin fashion, there was Frito Pie. This table was swarmed with people all night. If you don’t know what Frito Pie is, I suggest you Google it and go make it this weekend. Or just come here and have some. It just screams Texas.
Another new food that I’d never heard of until Texas? Cake balls.
We sampled the Mexican chocolate – dense, rich chocolate that had a little kick of what I believe was chili pepper at the end. It could have been some exotic spice for all I know. We’ve established I am not a foodie here.
Do you want to know what I loved the most? Crisp Pork Belly with Asian Pear Diablo and Glaze Fried Mint. I don’t even know what that all means and it was the most delectable thing my taste buds have ever been witness to. Guess I’m not going to become a vegetarian anytime soon. The meat was so tender, it literally melted in my mouth. And before you say it, I don’t care that it came from the belly of a pig. It could have come from the belly of a bear and I would not have cared either way. Food like that should be a illegal. Come to think of it, so should letting me into an event like that, where I proclaimed (loudly) more than once, “OH MY GOD this is SO GOOD!!“
I guess there were some actors and film-like things going on, too? I was too busy stuffing my face.
What’s the best dish you’ve ever had? Would you eat boar’s belly and pig belly? C’mon don’t be shy!
Bag o’ Tricks: Skin Care
October 19th, 2010 § 12 Comments
First, thank you all for a great response to my post yesterday! I’m glad I wasn’t overreacting in how upset I was. I really appreciated all of your suggestions! I’ll let you know if anything else happens.
Today’s post is going to be the first of what I hope will be a regular series here titled Bag o’ Tricks. I’ve always had an interest in beauty products and skin care but never considered myself to know enough about either to really write about it. Then I realized, I don’t really know enough about anything to consider myself an expert, I just go from experience. After a peer into my bathroom cupboard and the abundance of products I use and have tried, I decided to go public. Plus, everyone likes a little exposure. Don’t tell me you’ve never peeked into someone’s medicine cabinet before.
The first topic I’d like to tackle is skin care. It can be overwhelming to say the least to try and find the right products for your skin – especially if yours is as unpredictable as mine. Let’s start from the top.
If you can’t tell from this photo, homegirl has the skin of an angsty teenager. I’ve battled with acne my entire life. If I didn’t have these products, I would probably slick my hair to the side of my head, throw on some tight jeans, a plaid shirt and a hoodie and sit in the mall listening to my iPod all day. Luckily, after intense trial-and-error, I have come up with this regimen. Technically it goes right to left here. (Blame the lack of coffee when I took these pictures.)
Peter Thomas Roth is a skin care genius. This is his Blemish Buffing Beads Body Wash that I’ve been using for about two years. It’s available at Ulta and Sephora for less than $25. Now, I know what you may be thinking – $25?! No doubt, it’s going to cut a little bit into your budget, but if you’ve suffered from acne, you know any product that can make your skin clear is worth it. Since I’ve moved to Texas, my skin has been in complete shock. Running in this heat and humidity has done a number on more than just my face. Mr. Roth is a Godsend. Plus, it looks like something the Jetsons would use.
The other three products are my face warriors. I’ve tried every brand short of having a written prescription (including ProActiv) and Neutrogena seems to be what works best for me. Acne Stress Control is a light, creamy facewash that has a nice fresh scent. The other two products are Target’s in-house brand of two other acne products I’ve used before: Clean & Clear Dual Action Moisturizer and On The Spot Acne Treatment. I was never big on face moisturizer until I lived with Carrie, who used this lotion day and night. As I get older, I really notice how much my skin craves it. After I wash my face, I put on the spot treatment, wait for it to dry and then use the moisturizer. I’ve stopped using the spot treatment at night, though, because the ingredients are able to bleach fabrics. I love my sheets too much for that.
This stuff is about as strong as it can get over the counter, so proceed with caution. All three products are available to drugstores – Target, obviously for the latter two – and are all under $8.
I don’t want to dip too much into beauty here, but I do have a couple of products that help even things out, regardless of how my skin looks.
When I’m feeling uneven, spotty or just dull, this is my dream team. Between one or more of these products, I’ve got a solution. Starting from the left: NARS Makeup Primer with SPF 20 ($33 Sephora.) This bad boy defines “a little goes a long way.” Actually, all of these products do. I use this after my moisturizer and before I apply any makeup. Pores tend to absorb anything that’s put on them, so this primer acts like a shield from the rest of my makeup seeping in and clogging my pores. It’s also the only way to successfully mask a blemish. If you just apply concealer or foundation to a blemish, it’s going to look caked on and rub off quickly. Once again, the primer lets the rest of your makeup lay evenly on your skin. I opted for the SPF 20 because we all know the dangers of the sun, even in everyday exposure.
Next in line is my newest love – Origins Out of Trouble 10-minute mask ($21 Origins.) I purchased this because it was the best mask for combination skin, which I have. I use this at least once a week and I immediately see results. This really helps to even out my skin and gives a nice glow for the first few days after I use it. The only downside to this one is that its smell reminds me of ProActiv. I’ve read many reviews on Origins’ Web site for people using this as a spot treatment overnight, too.
The third product is something I haven’t used in awhile but one that I really love in winter when my skin tends to be dull. Rx for Brown Skin Absolute Radiance Intensive Exfoliating Serum. I got this at Sephora and was not able to find a price online. This product was recommended to me when I walked into the store concerned over my lack of glow and dark spots from acne scars. The consultant there gave me some samples to try and I was back a week later buying this. It goes on before moisturizer.
Last is the Perfekt Skin Profection Gel ($57 Sephora.) I bought this one with gift cards I had to Sephora, figuring I would never buy it for myself. Looks like I will need to start saving when this gets low because it’s the best product I own. This comes in shades ranging from translucent to decadent (I have Radiant – for medium skin tones) and is packed with vitamins and antioxidants. This stuff is so light it feels like air. It improves my skintone, reduces redness and it is sweat and water-resistant. Considering how often I felt like my face was going to melt off in this heat (read: every day) this summer, my only gripe is that I wish I would have found it sooner.
Last but least are my little extras.
Korres Body Butter in Mint ($29 Sephora) was a birthday gift to me this year. I absolutely can’t get enough of this. I love body butters because of their thick consistency. I feel like I get more out of a body butter than a lotion. The scent here is light and fresh and just enough that I catch a bit of it throughout the day. I love mint scented anything so I was really excited to receive this.
St. Tropez Self Tan Bronzing Mousse ($40 Nordstrom) was also a gift I received. I first heard about this product from Gracie and tried it out last spring. This is just what it sounds like – a light mousse. You really can’t apply this one wrong. No matter how much you put on, there is only one shade of darkness your skin will absorb to. It also rarely streaks, dries quick and does not have that terrible scent so many self tanners do. I’ve used this from head to toe, including my face (they do make one specifically for your face but I was not a fan) and really love it for my legs, which never seem to tan as easily as the rest of my skin. One warning – get disposable gloves unless you want your hands to be a giveaway for your glow.
So there you have it – the things that make my skin love me back. I’m obviously a big fan of Sephora and it’s mainly because I trust them. Their team is full of experts, they are more than happy to let you sample a product before buying it and you can return items purchased despite the fact that they have been opened. I’ve been a shopper there for years and have had nothing but wonderful experiences.
I’d love to know – what are some of your favorites skin care products, tips and tricks?
To Knee or Not to Knee
October 18th, 2010 § 33 Comments
That is the question.
Today, I’m not going to say much because I want to hear from you. Yes, I want you to chime in on that comments section because I am really torn about how I feel regarding the situation I am going to share with you.
As you may know, I am working part-time for the same company I worked for in Pittsburgh. I chose to step down in terms of rank and work for a different entity, but it’s all pretty much the same. I’m not going to talk about my company, as I never have, and I ask that if you know where I work, please keep that information to yourself.
Here’s what you need to know: I work with the public, I am fully visible to them and sales are involved.
On Saturday, I walked in to see my team dressed in jeans. Many Saturdays, we are allowed to wear jeans. Prior to this particular day, I was not told that, so I opted to wear my regular uniform of black pants. However, instead of wearing long black pants, I donned these:
These are black (obviously) hit the bottom of my kneecap while standing and are from The Limited. I am not sure of the material here, but it’s the same blend as my dress pants. When I worked in Pittsburgh, I wore these all the time. Both here and there, my “uniform” includes a black collared blazer over the t-shirt or whatever top I choose to wear. (May I also remind you it is still 80 degrees where I live.)
As soon as I walked in, my superior said to me, “Your pants? They are a little too short. Technically, they should be to your mid-calf – more like pedal pushers. This is a little too much for our corporate dress code.”
My first thought was, “Wait, you’re all wearing jeans. That is not corporate.”
Then she asked me if I had anything to change into, when I didn’t, she told me to go buy panty hose.
OK, hold up. If the problem here is that these pants are too short, what good does panty hose do?
I was ashamed and embarrassed. A separate conversation the night before with this same superior had already bruised my ego. It had nothing to do with work and more to do with financial status. Don’t. Judge. My. Money.
I tore through Target, crying. There was no way I was going to wear panty hose – I didn’t see the point. After trying on several pairs of black pants, I purchased a pair and kept the tags on. I’ve got a closet full of them but driving home would have taken too much time out of the hours I already depend on.
When I returned to work, she couldn’t believe I was wearing a pair of pants.
“You could have just bought a pair of $1 hose,” she said.
I just didn’t see the purpose of that. I didn’t have time to try and hunt down the dress code, either. At the entity I worked for in Pittsburgh, though, we were allowed to wear this style of pants as it was in the dress code so long as they were knee length.
What would you have done? What do you think about those pants? Are they showing too much?
Infomercial A-Go-Go
October 14th, 2010 § 11 Comments
I know there are a lot of people out there who love TV. They are the ones who live for premiere week, perfectly organize their DVR and can’t be interrupted at certain times on weeknights. Their obsession is everywhere – in lengthy conversations on Twitter, in Facebook status updates and on the tip of their tongues, waiting to be unleashed in a fury of conversation to any equally crazed addict.
Me? I’ve never been one of those people. Sure, I love Grey’s Anatomy and recently got into Glee but if some lightning bolt came down from Heaven, striking down cable companies and TVs across the globe, I wouldn’t be among the masses, down on my knees screaming, “Noooo!”
I’d be on my computer, because that is my obsession. Specifically, I am obsessed with YouTube.
Where else can you find everything you could ever want? I mean, seriously, I’ve watched clips from my favorite childhood shows (Dinosaurs is probably one of the best written shows of all time) bits from newscasts and award shows, music videos and my personal favorite – videos created by the masses. The day’s theme varies, but once I find something I really like, I might as well forget the next three hours of my life because they are gone. On Tuesday, it was marriage proposal videos. Good Lord people, cut to the chase already. Some of them were eight minutes long. That got old pretty quick, so you know I was moving that arrow back and forth on the time, trying to find the action. Most of them were pretty sweet, some of them were just plain weird. But that is the nature of the beast – YouTube is an equal opportunity uploader.
I’ve also spent plenty of late night hours watching dance videos. I can Teach You How To Dougie, do the Halle Berry and Superman like a Soulja Boy.
My latest and greatest forray into YouTube land? Infomercials.
It started this morning when my cousin posted a video on Facebook about a new (to me anyway) product called Pajama Jeans. I watched the video and snickered at the cheesy advertising of this product that seems to basically be a pair of jeans that spent a little too much time soaking in the magic stretch vat and got handed to the rookie on the zipper assembly line who decided to just sew up the crotch instead. I highly suggest you watch this one and try not to laugh at this line about the way they’re made, “[They've] even [got] brass rivets so they look like they were made by some European designer.” Oh Pajama Jeans, say no more!
The reason for my lengthy obsession with YouTube comes from the related videos lining the right side of the screen. Today, that is where I stumbled upon the gold mine.
I present to you, the Hug-E-Gram.
People of the world, I know it gets lonely sometimes. I know it can be hard to be away from a loved one, especially on an overly commercialized holiday like Valentine’s Day. But what kind of loneliness possesses you to buy – or want – something like this?
Let’s break it down, shall we?
Homegirl gets all sad because she gets, “Flowers! Flowers. Flowers again?”
You know what I get for Valentine’s Day lady? “Self pity! Woe. Anger again.” It’s no diamond ring, but flowers ain’t cheap. Especially when you order from a delivery service like that. Have you called a florist lately? “I’d like to send a nice arrangement for my friend’s birthday, what can you put together for me?” “Oh, yes! We can send a lovely assortment of cheery flowers for $85.99 plus delivery fees.”
I imagine the person who invented this must have had a lengthy argument with his significant other (sorry, only a man could think a Hug E Gram up) followed by a lengthy session of bullet points written burning the midnight oil, fueled by scotch on the rocks.
- Flowers are ordinary
- Flowers die
- Flowers offer no personal touch
- Women want something unique
- Women want something intimate
- Women like overly cute stuff I think is stupid
Then, with a little help from his daughter’s Mickey Mouse doll, some sharp scissors and some velcro, he had a prototype.
I don’t know what creeps me out more: the fact that this thing only has four fingers or that someone signed a contract to advertise this.
See the overly elated underpaid actress on the left? She’s holding the free dozen lasting roses that come with it – yep, you got it, free! How do they last you ask? They’re wooden. Guess the dude couldn’t let go of the whole flowers thing after all.
After Thought: What happens after the initial gifting? Do you wear it around the house? Use it as a neck pillow when you fly so your head doesn’t bob around when you sleep on the plane? Will it hold things like spices and kitchen utensils when you cook? How about the remote when you watch TV? Perhaps you can rig it into a belt hanger in your closet? Then every morning while getting dressed, you can accidentally hit the button and hear the pre-recorded message from your ex-boyfriend about how much he loves his Pooh Bear.
Christmas Countdown: 71 shopping days left!
From the Eyes of Babes
October 13th, 2010 § 8 Comments
Sometimes in life, you gotta go back to basics. We’ve all been two years old before, but I doubt many of us remember what it’s like. Last week, I spent five days loving, laughing, cuddling and singing with the most precious and hilarious little girl on the planet. OK, I may be a little bias, regardless, she is freaking awesome. I learned some things about life and myself that I think are worth sharing.
First and foremost, you need to make the most of the situation at hand. If life hands you lemons, before you start squeezing, put on your biggest shades and finish your Honeydew Melon. Honeydew helps you think.
If melon isn’t cutting it, you need to enlist the help of a friend. Wherever you go, it’s your friends who make your life. I highly suggest a Pillow Pet. Specifically, a penguin your Mom’s friend decides to name Pete. All day long, your favorite thing to say will be, “Pete! Pete!” You’ll probably have so much fun with Pete, it will be impossible to get a good picture of you. That’s OK – you’re having fun with your buddy and that’s all that matters.
It’s also not a bad idea to have another friend. You know, in case Pete is busy. Or if you need someone who can read.
When in doubt, put a bucket on your head. If there’s an awkward silence, put a bucket on your head. If you’re bored, hey, why not put a bucket on your head? If nothing else, it will probably score you some ice cream after dinner.
Karma is real. If you jump off your end of the teeter totter when you’re down, causing the other person to come crashing down to the ground, your equal playground revenge is just around the corner.
Life is a merry go round – hold on tight.
Also, choose the pusher wisely. I prefer mine to be one that knows how to accessorize. If you’re going to get so dizzy you feel like you’re re-living the morning after your 21st birthday, you might as well go down looking at something cute.
Last, don’t ever take yourself too seriously. The world needs more fishy faces.
What would your two-year-old lesson be?
Breakfast Reloaded
October 12th, 2010 § 34 Comments
Long before I was a blogger – some may classify me as a healthy living one, I’ll let you be the judge after this – I was a reader of blogs. Although I can’t quite pinpoint it, I think I started lurking around these parts in 2007. You can imagine how many bowls of oatmeal my eyes have bore witness to since.
That’s why I believe I can officially say without much hesitation, that I think oatmeal sucks.
I have no idea who did that.
Now before you get your pjs all in a bunch, let me offer the disclaimer that in no way do I think you’re a bad person if you LURV oatmeal. In the name of all things breakfast, whatever pops your tart. It’s just not doing it for me.
I understand the health benefits of oatmeal. I understand it offers great sustenance. But people, it tastes like goo. I take that back, it tastes like pasty goo.
I’ve tried instant, steel-cut, warm and cold. No, no, no and NO. Adding fruit, nut butters (which are second in line of stuff I don’t see the hype over) and anything resembling the kitchen sink method doesn’t dissipate my mouth’s response of “this tastes like it just came off the slimy side of the geriatric buffet.”
You can put it in a jar, you can eat it in the car, you can get all Dr. Seuss with yourself and I’m still going to think it’s terrible.
Aside from the texture – and I know there’s some food you all hate because of the texture – my problem with oatmeal is this: it cannot stand alone. It can barely stand with one ingredient. How many times have you opened your Google Reader in the morning, and seen a “ZOMG OATMEAL!” recipe with just…oats? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Now, I must provide proof to back up my “quick-and-easy-breakfast-that-packs-punch-and-has-flavor-without-seven-mix-ins.”
Look no further than grits.
I know. It’s a little scary. You might be thinking, “What is it?” Well, first of all, you’d be grammatically incorrect. Grits is plural, so I would first correct you. “No, it’s, ‘what are they?’”
In the most basic form, grits are simply coarsely ground corn.
I’ll let you recollect after reading the word “corn.” I know that is another scary word in the healthy living realm. Repeat after me: “Corn is okay. Corn will not kill me.”
Also, see that word coarsely? Yeah, grits has a nice texture to it, and it’s not of the paste variety. And guess what? With the simple addition of one ingredient you’ve got yourself deliciousness. Butter, cheese, syrup or jam all mix easily into grits. Or you can add all four. Live a little.
I’m the world’s laziest worst most pressed-for-time cook in the mornings, so my grits is of the instant variety.
I did a little side by side on the nutrition label – yes, oatmeal may have a few extra points on its team, but don’t we all love to cheer for the underdog? I mean, look at the Cleveland Browns. We still love Brady Quinn, right? (And not just because he’s pretty.)
Back to the grits. I’ve been enjoying mine with a little sprinkled cheese nearly every morning for two weeks.
Before you get all judgy-wudgy-was-a-bear on grits, remember I’ve seen what you eat and um, homegirl? It ain’t no Miss America, either, mmk?
It may not be the most ascetically pleasing dish out there, but let’s get real, there is far worse being photographed on the dinner table each night.
And unlike the oatmeal lovers of the world, I would never dream of taking 15 minutes to get the perfect shot of my beloved grits, even if it meant rearranging my dining room or experimenting with light at different points in the morning.
I mean, I just don’t have time for that sort of thing.
I realize with this admittance I may have just turned some people away. I can understand. I mean, if anyone started shit talkin’ on my grits, I’d start ruffling up my feathers and get angry, too. But that’s because grits is the perfect sustainable food that can stand alone or with one addition. It can be cooked in less than two minutes and doesn’t require a stove or a fancy presentation.
Also? I’m pretty sure when it’s my turn to hit up the slimy side of the geriatric buffet, you’ll find me first in line, gums flapping, yelling, “GWITSHHH!”
Faces
October 11th, 2010 § 7 Comments
I tell ya what…it’s pretty hard to wake up without seeing these faces every morning.
And breakfast just isn’t the same without my little buddy.
Nothing better than a cookie after breakfast from Ashley at Edible Perspective! I am so glad I got to meet this fantastic woman. We gabbed nonstop and I wish I would have gotten to spend more time with her – what a sweetheart!
I’m gonna miss their beautiful Mama, too!
I’ve boarded a plane again and am home from my cozy little visit to Colorado. I like how Carrie said it, “Every trip you take, you should come back a little different.” Although you might not believe it, spending time with a two-year-old and a two-month-old was calming to me. Sure, there was screaming, crying, diapers and plenty of “No!’s” but it’s just what I needed to align myself. Stay tuned for lessons from a two-year-old. For now, I’ve got to act like a 26-year-old and get to work. Hope you had a good weekend!
Celebrate We Will
October 6th, 2010 § 22 Comments
When I got my first apartment, my Mum bought me two beautiful hatboxes.
Throughout the years, they’ve held an assortment of odds and ends. This one in particular holds my most cherished memories. Inside you’ll find old photos and cards, letters, wedding programs, my honor cords from graduation and two decks of playing cards. When you open it, you’ll be overwhelmed with the smell of frankincense – a throwback to my beloved yoga studio in Pittsburgh. This morning, I took off the lid and began sorting. I knew exactly what I was looking for as today calls for a celebration.
Today would have been my best friend’s 26th birthday. A Libra like me, Shawn was bubbly, outgoing and pensive. He was a dreamer, a thinker and full of love.
Growing up, the bittersweet end to summer was leaping out of my Mum’s car and sprinting to the doors of my elementary school to find out whose class I’d be in for the next nine months. My school was by no means large, but every year, Shawn and I were in the same class. I had a crush on him from first grade on, friends claiming with certainty that I tried to kiss him behind the teacher’s rocking chair. Although my memory doesn’t recall, I wouldn’t be surprised – he had my heart.
So many times I wonder what my elementary self was really like. I wish I could remember more about being eight and 10 and 12 and 15. What do I remember about being eight? That Shawn knew how to pronounce etcetera when it was spelled out. When we were 12, I remember the way he made me laugh for hours on end when he’d steal his sister’s Girl Talk Dream Phone and change the settings so his voice would like an alien. I remember when he fell in love with my friend in sixth grade and I prayed every night he’d love me instead. Somewhere around 15, we had a small plastic Kermit the Frog figurine that we would pass back and forth, taking care of it like a pet (or, really in my adolescent eyes, a baby.) We briefly dated in sixth grade, but broke up tragically before Christmas vacation. I remember his freckle-spotted face in summer, the way he loved baseball and his clammy hands.
When we got to high school, our circle of friends grew. We picked up different activities and sports, but we still remained best friends. After graduation, we each went off to college and in the days before Facebook, text messaging and email, we had letters.
We only exchanged a few but they were each kept, and what I was looking for today.
There is so much I could say about Shawn – how I remember every single detail from when I got the phone call, telling me there’d been an accident; how I was the first of my friends to know and the one who had to call others. My hometown was no stranger to death. Every year from the time I was 13, someone under the age of 18 died. My circle of friends had been lessened twice already before the news of Shawn came to us. Still, it doesn’t lessen the shock. Nor does it cease the anger or heal the heart any faster.
I could tell you that in the five years since that day, it took three of them for me to accept his death. It was through the most amazing and vivid dreams that I received closure. Countless times I’ve known and felt his spirit with me. He was a light in my life and he continues to be to this day.
Today, though, is a celebration – a celebration of the day he first graced this Earth, a celebration of what he brought into my life and into so many others. Even in the absence of his presence, I’ve learned so much more about myself; he has made me a better person.
One phrase Shawn always said to me was this: “Some will, some won’t, so what.”
At the time, he said it as a comfort to high school politics. It seemed that a fight was always brewing and arguments were on the cusp. Despite us not being 16 anymore, I still find a great deal of comfort in these words. I can apply them – and have applied them to many, many situations both for myself and for others.
Today I’m sharing these words with you in hopes that the next time someone or something’s got you down, you’ll remember them.
I’m boarding a plane tonight, to get away for a few days. When we reach our highest altitude and I look out the window, I don’t think I’ll be able to help but feel like I’m a little closer to my friend on his special day.
One of Shawn’s favorite things in life was Dave Matthews Band. Today their words are better than my own:
“Celebrate we will because life is short but sweet for certain”
The 26th Year
October 4th, 2010 § 18 Comments
As it turns out, the best gift was to take some time away from the Internet and just focus on myself. It didn’t hurt my counterpart from Pittsburgh was in town for a post-birthday visit! We had quite the series of events, a few of which I plan to share with you later this week. Let’s just say cupcakes were consumed, mimosas and Shiner’s toasted, old movies were watched and many, many laughs ensued.
I got to see more of this city of mine and discovered new bits and pieces to appreciate. On Carrie’s last night, I slipped on my boots and for the first time, I sensed a feeling of comfort come over me. I felt like this is where I live – not where I’m visiting.
We talked goals, dreams, futures and “what if’s.” I thought a lot about Pittsburgh and really ached for it. I reminisced my beloved Stadium Loop, remembered what fall felt like when the temperatures dropped and appreciated the first 25 years of my life I spent north of the Mason-Dixon line.
I realized this life of mine is very different from the life I lived in Pittsburgh as I collapsed into bed every night last week, exhausted from the socialization that’s become foreign to me over the last two months.
I remembered this life of mine is so open and endless. Everywhere I go brings absolute newness. New faces, new experiences, new impressions to make and be made.
I felt a burst of zest when I handed out my business cards. It felt so right to give the answer, “I’m a writer,” when people asked me what it is I “do.” When they gave their reactions – delight, surprise, a smile – it was all I could do to resist snapping a photo. Instead, I’m relying on my memory to replay those moments when frustration leapfrogs happiness and my mood changes to despair.
The big fat truth that’s been staring at me for a long time is my life’s direction is one that is mine to decide and discover.
I could sit here and argue that I’ve never had such a blank canvas with which to paint write my future upon. It’s more appealing, romantic even, to think of it that way. Instead, when I think back on my past endeavors and adventures, it’s as clear as the varying ZIP codes: I always had the opportunity to make my life what I wanted it to be.
Sometimes I took advantage of that – when I signed contracts, met with HR, had the first-day butterflies, I did it. When I woke up early, meticulously planned my days off or skipped a night out for the sake of a training run, I did it. I did it every time I logged into WordPress, hit publish, held my breath and waited. Each time I packed my car to the brim and made the drive “home” to an unknown place, I did it.
There were times, of course, I didn’t.
The times I steered in the opposite direction of change, instead staying the course of comfort. When I said “Yes” when I should have said “No.” When I had just one more, went against my better judgment, said what I knew would hurt, let myself be hurt.
I don’t believe this new place is a clean slate. I don’t think it holds the key to every happiness. Happiness is a place in my heart, not a spot on a map.
I do believe it holds the possibility of what I want being what I have. I believe it holds the probability of cherished memories, pieces of my history and an incredible amount of love. It’s mine for the taking. Last week reminded me of that.
I’ve had a chance to start anew, but I’ve never had so much time to think about it. I’ve never been in a place where I know so few people. Those that I have met have been wonderful, yet I still keep my distance, whether it’s by choice or by force. Life, in short, feels completely overwhelming. I feel like I’ve got so many ideas, endeavors to take advantage of and high expectations for myself that sometimes it feels like my head – and similarly, my heart – are going to burst.
I know I need to break it down. For this one-time over-achiever and notorious perfectionist, I’d like to ask my friend, the cliche, to be of assistance.
That is so much easier said than done.
I realize I may come off quite the optimist. I might seem like I have everything together, like I’ve got talent, the drive, a dream and passion. Perhaps I do, but it’s not such a neat, pretty picture. That blank canvas? It’s starting to look more like a piece by Jackson Pollock than a paint by number.
As I begin the 26th year, I have a feeling this could get messy.
Funny thing, I don’t seem to mind.
