Celebrate We Will
October 6th, 2010 § 22 Comments
When I got my first apartment, my Mum bought me two beautiful hatboxes.
Throughout the years, they’ve held an assortment of odds and ends. This one in particular holds my most cherished memories. Inside you’ll find old photos and cards, letters, wedding programs, my honor cords from graduation and two decks of playing cards. When you open it, you’ll be overwhelmed with the smell of frankincense – a throwback to my beloved yoga studio in Pittsburgh. This morning, I took off the lid and began sorting. I knew exactly what I was looking for as today calls for a celebration.
Today would have been my best friend’s 26th birthday. A Libra like me, Shawn was bubbly, outgoing and pensive. He was a dreamer, a thinker and full of love.
Growing up, the bittersweet end to summer was leaping out of my Mum’s car and sprinting to the doors of my elementary school to find out whose class I’d be in for the next nine months. My school was by no means large, but every year, Shawn and I were in the same class. I had a crush on him from first grade on, friends claiming with certainty that I tried to kiss him behind the teacher’s rocking chair. Although my memory doesn’t recall, I wouldn’t be surprised – he had my heart.
So many times I wonder what my elementary self was really like. I wish I could remember more about being eight and 10 and 12 and 15. What do I remember about being eight? That Shawn knew how to pronounce etcetera when it was spelled out. When we were 12, I remember the way he made me laugh for hours on end when he’d steal his sister’s Girl Talk Dream Phone and change the settings so his voice would like an alien. I remember when he fell in love with my friend in sixth grade and I prayed every night he’d love me instead. Somewhere around 15, we had a small plastic Kermit the Frog figurine that we would pass back and forth, taking care of it like a pet (or, really in my adolescent eyes, a baby.) We briefly dated in sixth grade, but broke up tragically before Christmas vacation. I remember his freckle-spotted face in summer, the way he loved baseball and his clammy hands.
When we got to high school, our circle of friends grew. We picked up different activities and sports, but we still remained best friends. After graduation, we each went off to college and in the days before Facebook, text messaging and email, we had letters.
We only exchanged a few but they were each kept, and what I was looking for today.
There is so much I could say about Shawn – how I remember every single detail from when I got the phone call, telling me there’d been an accident; how I was the first of my friends to know and the one who had to call others. My hometown was no stranger to death. Every year from the time I was 13, someone under the age of 18 died. My circle of friends had been lessened twice already before the news of Shawn came to us. Still, it doesn’t lessen the shock. Nor does it cease the anger or heal the heart any faster.
I could tell you that in the five years since that day, it took three of them for me to accept his death. It was through the most amazing and vivid dreams that I received closure. Countless times I’ve known and felt his spirit with me. He was a light in my life and he continues to be to this day.
Today, though, is a celebration – a celebration of the day he first graced this Earth, a celebration of what he brought into my life and into so many others. Even in the absence of his presence, I’ve learned so much more about myself; he has made me a better person.
One phrase Shawn always said to me was this: “Some will, some won’t, so what.”
At the time, he said it as a comfort to high school politics. It seemed that a fight was always brewing and arguments were on the cusp. Despite us not being 16 anymore, I still find a great deal of comfort in these words. I can apply them – and have applied them to many, many situations both for myself and for others.
Today I’m sharing these words with you in hopes that the next time someone or something’s got you down, you’ll remember them.
I’m boarding a plane tonight, to get away for a few days. When we reach our highest altitude and I look out the window, I don’t think I’ll be able to help but feel like I’m a little closer to my friend on his special day.
One of Shawn’s favorite things in life was Dave Matthews Band. Today their words are better than my own:
“Celebrate we will because life is short but sweet for certain”
I’m so sorry about your friend Shawn
I think it’s great that he is still in your memory. I hope you have a great flight Caitlin, and a great few days off. Life IS precious and short, I think people often forget that. Beautiful post 
I was just thinking last night how Shawn’s birthday is today!! Such a wonderful post Cait!! Love and miss you hun
What a heartfelt post. Its always good to remember those special moments with the special people we were blessed with. Hugs to you!
What a beautiful way to celebrate this day. I’m so sorry you lost such an important friend.
What a beautiful post about your best friend. It had me in tears even though I’m simply an RSS follower. I’ve had that quote from DMB written for years in quite a few places as a reminder of sorts, and it seems like it speaks so eloquently for Shawn’s memory.
You have me in tears thinking about my dad, now. This is beautiful and while I’m sorry you lost him, I know if you’re anything like me you’re overwhelmingly thankful for the memories you still have of time spent with him.
What a great memory you have of him. Prayers are with his family right. Enjoy the clouds and getting away.
that is one of my favorite DMB songs, what a beautiful tribute to him this is. Enjoy your mini trip
This was a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your story and friendship with Shawn. I am glad you are celebrating his life.
Great tribute girl… can’t imagine how hard it must be.
Life is so precious. Love you.
Lady, I hope that you find the rest and relaxation that you need. There is no better way to remember a friend than to spread the joy that they shared with you.
Wow. Your friendship with Shawn sounds incredible and I don’t think you could have honored his life in a better way by writing these heartfelt words. You gave me chills. Enjoy the celebration and take care. My thoughts are with you today.
beautiful way to remember your friend. life is short… but sweet for certain. great reminder to live each day like it was your last, because some day, it will be.
This post is very poignant and touching. I was teary eyed while reading it. Your friend Shawn sounds like a beautiful person.
That is a beautiful tribute. I sure he is up there smiling down at you and all of the memories you keep of him.
So sweet. I had a dear friend pass away in a car accident back in 2006. He was my junior prom date
It took me a long time to accept he was really gone. I’ve always loved this DMB lyric, and every time, I think of Ben. Now I’ll think of Shawn, too.
there truly are no words. i’m still trying to sift through the heartache of a loss i suffered 6 years ago. i’m still unable to come to terms with it. i’m unable to do more than go through the motions.
what a lovely way to honor Shawn’s birthday! i do believe we should keep birthdays as a happy time.
i’m really sorry about shawn. touching post.
Oh my gosh girl- I am so incredibly sorry about your loss. You know God is in control and He is pulling you through- you are in my prayers! love you!
I lost many friends at a young age too. One in particular passed away after an awful accident that happened a block from my little cottage in Sarasota. We were close friends and journalists at the same paper.
One thing you said in this touching past, also rang true with me –– that it was through vivid dreams that I was finally able to find closure. The dreams were so vivid, I swear my friend came to visit me in the night to tell me goodbye and that everything was OK.
err.. touching post.