Breakfast Reloaded
October 12th, 2010 § 34 Comments
Long before I was a blogger – some may classify me as a healthy living one, I’ll let you be the judge after this – I was a reader of blogs. Although I can’t quite pinpoint it, I think I started lurking around these parts in 2007. You can imagine how many bowls of oatmeal my eyes have bore witness to since.
That’s why I believe I can officially say without much hesitation, that I think oatmeal sucks.
I have no idea who did that.
Now before you get your pjs all in a bunch, let me offer the disclaimer that in no way do I think you’re a bad person if you LURV oatmeal. In the name of all things breakfast, whatever pops your tart. It’s just not doing it for me.
I understand the health benefits of oatmeal. I understand it offers great sustenance. But people, it tastes like goo. I take that back, it tastes like pasty goo.
I’ve tried instant, steel-cut, warm and cold. No, no, no and NO. Adding fruit, nut butters (which are second in line of stuff I don’t see the hype over) and anything resembling the kitchen sink method doesn’t dissipate my mouth’s response of “this tastes like it just came off the slimy side of the geriatric buffet.”
You can put it in a jar, you can eat it in the car, you can get all Dr. Seuss with yourself and I’m still going to think it’s terrible.
Aside from the texture – and I know there’s some food you all hate because of the texture – my problem with oatmeal is this: it cannot stand alone. It can barely stand with one ingredient. How many times have you opened your Google Reader in the morning, and seen a “ZOMG OATMEAL!” recipe with just…oats? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Now, I must provide proof to back up my “quick-and-easy-breakfast-that-packs-punch-and-has-flavor-without-seven-mix-ins.”
Look no further than grits.
I know. It’s a little scary. You might be thinking, “What is it?” Well, first of all, you’d be grammatically incorrect. Grits is plural, so I would first correct you. “No, it’s, ‘what are they?’”
In the most basic form, grits are simply coarsely ground corn.
I’ll let you recollect after reading the word “corn.” I know that is another scary word in the healthy living realm. Repeat after me: “Corn is okay. Corn will not kill me.”
Also, see that word coarsely? Yeah, grits has a nice texture to it, and it’s not of the paste variety. And guess what? With the simple addition of one ingredient you’ve got yourself deliciousness. Butter, cheese, syrup or jam all mix easily into grits. Or you can add all four. Live a little.
I’m the world’s laziest worst most pressed-for-time cook in the mornings, so my grits is of the instant variety.
I did a little side by side on the nutrition label – yes, oatmeal may have a few extra points on its team, but don’t we all love to cheer for the underdog? I mean, look at the Cleveland Browns. We still love Brady Quinn, right? (And not just because he’s pretty.)
Back to the grits. I’ve been enjoying mine with a little sprinkled cheese nearly every morning for two weeks.
Before you get all judgy-wudgy-was-a-bear on grits, remember I’ve seen what you eat and um, homegirl? It ain’t no Miss America, either, mmk?
It may not be the most ascetically pleasing dish out there, but let’s get real, there is far worse being photographed on the dinner table each night.
And unlike the oatmeal lovers of the world, I would never dream of taking 15 minutes to get the perfect shot of my beloved grits, even if it meant rearranging my dining room or experimenting with light at different points in the morning.
I mean, I just don’t have time for that sort of thing.
I realize with this admittance I may have just turned some people away. I can understand. I mean, if anyone started shit talkin’ on my grits, I’d start ruffling up my feathers and get angry, too. But that’s because grits is the perfect sustainable food that can stand alone or with one addition. It can be cooked in less than two minutes and doesn’t require a stove or a fancy presentation.
Also? I’m pretty sure when it’s my turn to hit up the slimy side of the geriatric buffet, you’ll find me first in line, gums flapping, yelling, “GWITSHHH!”
1. I was overly excited to see a new post from you.
b. While I do love oatmeal, you’ve made some valid points. touche, my friend, touche.
3. “whatever pops your tart” is probably my new favorite expression ever.
I will leave you a decent comment once I stop laughing my ass off.
L O V E this! I’ll take cheese on my breakfast over nut butter any day
ha.ha.ha.
As a lover of oatmeal, I must say MA BREAKFAST’S FEELINGS ARE HURT!!!
But, as a southern girl? AIN’T NUTHIN’ BEATING A GOOD BOWL OF GRITS N CHEEZE!
girlfriend I am right there with you. I am not a fan. And you are seriously hilarious
this made me laugh this morning.
This made me laugh out loud! Love it. Although I don’t like grits…please dont’ hold it against me. I don’t like oatmeal all that much either. I agree – gummy and pasty.
I’m so glad it’s not just me!! I tried “overnight oats” a few weeks ago b/c I’d seen them on so many blogs and they’re GROSS. I’ll stick to my Quaker instant cheddar grits, thanks
Cheers to this. Oatmeal in its mushy form doesn’t do it for me, either. I think oatmeal is great baked into something (I use it instead of breadcrumbs in my meatloag), but warm and mushy – no thanks.
You so rarely see just a bowl of oatmeal, it is always filled with all sorts of “stuff n’ things” (as you point out), so it doesn’t seem to be so much about the actual ‘meal.
I will say that I do remember having an amazing oatmeal porter once. Aaahhh, beer
I have never had grits, I think it is high time to change that.
ha ha ha! LOVED this post. I actually like oatmeal and use to eat it before I was ever a blog reader. I never ever post my oats on my blog!!! Ok- I admit, I first did because everyone else was, but I saw the error of my boring ways.
I actually love grits! My dad use to make them. They are so good. I may need to go buy some. Thanks for reminding me about them.
haha! I love the part about getting Dr. Suess with yourself. I do love oatmeal, but understand the texture thing. I hate cottage cheese. hate hate hate with a passion and the texture is a big part of that.
Seriously laughing out loud right now. Posts like these are why I love you. Thank you for your honesty – and now I must give grits a try!
Actually, it turns out corn, if used as a staple, CAN kill you and has indeed killed many people across the world:
http://www.thenourishinggourmet.com/2009/03/wisdom-from-the-past-nixtamalization-of-corn.html
A process called nixtamalization will turn corn from a kinda crappy food into a pretty healthy food:
http://www.thenourishinggourmet.com/2009/03/nixtamalization-nutritional-benefits.html
I love me some grits. I also love oatmeal but agree that it’s overhyped in the blog world.
My coworkers might think I’m crazy because I literally LOLed through this whole thing. Man I wish I had come up with the phrase “whatever pops your tart!”
I love me some oatmeal, but am totally cool with making fun of myself by laughing my ass off at this post.
And grits are cool in my book. Not nearly as photogenic… but hey, what can you do? (totally kidding, btw…)
I have to admit, when I first started reading the “healthy living” (and I hate that term, since a lot of the healthy living bloggers seem stressed out to the max to me!) I went through about a year-long phase of “omg!onlywholegrains!porridge!(it’s always porridge to a New Zealander, I think, never oatmeal!)almondbutter!GREENS!” That phase is now over and I browse the blogs on my Reader over breakfast, which is usually either good old white bread and jam or a couple of muffins. I don’t *dislike* porridge, but nor would I rave about it, and my stomach hates it, so no more oats for me. Likewise, almond butter. It’s okay, but it’s expensive and way overrated. Peanut butter, don’t like it at all. And I’m sorry, but there’s no way in heck I’m getting out my blender and doing all the after-clean up just to make a smoothie that is green and predominantly made of spinach. If I can bothered hauling out the thing, what’s going into it is fruit and ice cream. The greens can stay where I firmly believe they belong, on one quarter of my dinner plate or as part of a salad. Loved this post, heh. I think I’m no longer part of the “healthy living club”, but to be honest, I feel a lot better now!
And also, yes, have to agree, I don’t even see KERF raving about a plain bowl of oats made with water. I think what most people are enjoying about their breakfast bowls are the fruit, dried fruit, nut butters, jam, chocolate, crumbled muffins, and even crushed candy canes come Christmas time, that are piled on top. I think it’s somewhat like eating a giant bowl of tiramisu complete with whipped cream, chocolate, booze, and coffee, and then talking about how awesome dry ladyfinger sponge cake is.
Um, LIKE.
haha! I love that oats/oatmeal (or porriage here in australia) are on blogs all the time – althought, yes always with something on top….
and all the nut butter – seriously can’t be that good for you for the amount people eat! aye aye aye – just eat in moderation peeps!!
You, missy, rock my grit-lovin’ world–as does your sense of perspective and your BOO! tablecloth.
I am an oatmeal lurver (and eat them about 4-5 times a week)… but people, please, they’re gray and icky-looking (unless you can make them purple or pink) and there are other AMAZING things you can have for breakfast.
As for grits–I always think of pipe music when I think of grits, thanks to having the best grits in a beautiful B and B garden at a Highland festival in North Carolina. Grits taste of heaven.
Ahahahaha I love the Dr Seuss and “whatever pops your tart” lines! And now I want to try grits again. My fiance gets them whenever we go out, because we’re newly Southern, but I just wasn’t that into them. Now I want to be. Maybe you’ll start a new trend?
I am kind of ashamed to admit that I’ve started to like oatmeal. Like you, I’ve mocked the oatmeal brigade for awhile now. It’s prety ridiculous, and my oat experience was a total accident. I bought oats to make cookies (for real) and then needed something quick, and had had just a few too many scrambled egg whites, and I zapped some with milk and dumped some cinnamon in and … I’m becoming one of them …. and …. I don’t like it.
You know what else? I mix canned pumpkin into it. I could crawl in a hole and die.
I’d like to think the fact that I would never blog about my pumpkin oats makes it a little better, right? RIGHT?!
I would really like to see grits become a trend in the blog world.
No creamy/pasty breakfast photographs well, but grits ARE sexy. I could make a guy grits in the morning for breakfast, with some cheese and butter. Oatmeal? He’d be like, “Um, yeah, no thanks.”
That is IT, breakfast date this weekend, I gotta give grits another shot
a) Whatever pops your tart……totally made my day.
b) I hate oatmeal. I’ll go rogue with ya on the grits!!
I just cannot even pick out my favorite parts. This was hilarious. And although I do love oatmeal, I don’t have the time to make it all photogenic. Plus that’s just silly. I can appreciate and support your choice to be a grits girl!
I can’t say I’ve ever had grits. I don’t think they exist in Canada. I’m not joking. I don’t think they do!
Ha, ha! I’m not a huge oatmeal fan either. I don’t hate it, but I’m a cold cereal girl (I know, how boring).
I’ve actually never tried grits…
Girrrrrrrl….being from Alabama, grits are my JAM. I love oatmeal now (I tried it plain and was disgusted), but I used to eat grits every. single. morning. with cheese and toast. So good! Oddly enough, it still took some time for me to first come around to grits, but when I did—looks out. Grits can be just as versatile as oatmeal, too; you can have them sweet or savory. HEAB made some recent posts declaring her love for grits, too!
Here’s to grits and G.R.I.T.S—Girls Raised In The South.
I’m not a fan of t he oatmeal either. No judgements here!
YOU are hilarious
I am so glad you are thinking about me. you have such a beautiful heart. YES please start reading romans.. IT WILL ROCK YOU!!!!! prob my fav book right now. i love you!
oh my goshh
your comment made me smile too
Haha I was seriously talking about writing a post exactly like this the other day! I’m ok with the texture of oatmeal, but it’s not something I love and I definitely refuse to eat it every day (not even more than once every couple of weeks) but I’ve become turned off of it because of all of the posts claiming it to be the MOST delicious, nutritious, filling, amazing food ever. I’m with you, girl.
I agree.
However..
I’m one of those people that only eat oats, WITHOUT a single thing on them. I like them plain. I tried it with all the fixins’… and…no. But you’re right. Who really wants to read about plain oatmeal?
Or in your case, eat it. haha
dude you’re amazing. can we please be friends in real life? you should come over and hang out. and i will make you gooey gooey oatmeal with OMG THE BEST NUT BUTTER EVER and we can like, eat it out of a freaking JAR! lolz.
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