Bigger Than My Body
July 15th, 2010 § 13 Comments
So I’m sitting here, listening to John Mayer. What does that mean? It means a lot. That is a loaded question.
John Mayer is so many things to me. He’s the mysterious man on a greenish blue album cover stuck inside a jewel case that held the CD that was the soundtrack to my freshman year of college. I remember sitting on a bench, Discman in my lap, looking out to where the three rivers met at The Point and thinking – no, realizing – how much my life was changing. For the first time, I owned my decisions. They were mine. My consequences.
He wrote the song that played in my Mum’s minivan the day the boy my 17-year-old self thought I was in love with pushed my curls back from my face as we drove with the windows down. He’s the one who sang the tune that brought tears to my eyes five years later when that boy died.
His voice can carry me through sadness and doubt. It can make me unbelievably happy. It can speak to my life at every point in my life. It can make me hopeful.
Tonight it made me hopeful.
I’ve learned that my circumstances in Austin may not be what I originally thought. I’ve learned that while things may not pan out how I pictured them in my head, things will pan out how they are supposed to. I’ve been doing a lot of talking to Jesus and while I’ve never felt panicked or terrified or had a terrible gut feeling this was anything but the absolute best decision I can make for myself, I’ve been sad.
Perhaps sad isn’t the right word. To me, “sad” is a word that’s meaning is as loaded as the first question in this post. It’s a happy sad. It’s realizing the endless possibilities that await such a transformation. And I say endless because I believe they are endless. This isn’t sparkly words and lofty dreams. This is real. I know what I am hopeful for is going to happen. I think sometimes we say we have big dreams and high hopes, but only to ourselves. We think it’s not attainable – we’ll never reach that height – and we don’t want to be the one who talked about great things and didn’t live up to them. We don’t want to come off as conceited. We don’t want to be full of ourselves.
I’m going to be full of myself and put it right out there that my dreams will not only be reached, they will be celebrated, surpassed and links to dreams even bigger than I can imagine for myself right now. Tonight I fully digested the belief that who I am and the capabilities I possess are amazing, that I have inside me the character, the drive, the determination and the tenacity to chase after, and catch, what it is I am seeking.
You want to know the greatest part of this realization? I know it’s inside of you, too. I know it to be true. I know that you have things inside of you that are awesome in the true sense of the word. I know your capabilities are what you believe them to be. No, they’re more than that: they’re that highest high you’re too afraid to admit you want. I promise you – what you want, you can get, you will get if you believe it to be true.
Perhaps it’s the fact that I am simplifying my life down to what can fit in the back of an SUV this summer that’s brought on this post. That with each piece of furniture I watch get taken out the door, with each bag of clothes I give and donate and with every added bare spot in the rooms of my house, I can feel myself gaining. I’m gaining the true insight of what really matters in my life. I’m gaining the experience that a leap of faith to a place without a “real job” isn’t something that should be looked down upon as silly or stupid. It’s something courageous. It’s something exciting. It’s something that’s mine. I own my consequences.
Perhaps it’s the uncertainty of the future. Perhaps it’s the wine (not really, because I hate wine, but it sounds so poetic). Perhaps it’s the buzz of excitement every morning I wake up, knowing I am one day closer to that day.
Whatever it is, I’m really starting to love it. And believe in it.
I also believe no matter where you are in life – no matter the “if’s” and what big events and changes are in your horizon – you’re capable of being full of your beliefs and believing them to be a reality. What do you think? In the words of my elusive John Mayer, “Say what you need to say.”
Thursday Thoughts
March 18th, 2010 § 17 Comments
Hang on tight kids, this is gonna be a quick one! This week has been nonstop with work and running, the latter which I feel the need to elaborate on. I had high points and low points in my training runs this week including, but not limited to:
*Bridges, lots of bridges. Sometimes it was in the morning, sometimes it was cold and sometimes it was at night. Who can resist a view like this?
Sometimes I just have to stop in the middle of that bridge and look around me and just take a moment for reflection and thanks. Pittsburgh is so gorgeous, and I am truly lucky to have its streets to run on.
*Faster times than…well ever. Why you ask? These babies:
I saw these on Kacy’s blog a few weeks ago and had to immediately purchase them for my sore, tight, aching calves. Let me tell you, they are some sort of wonderful. Namely, the best thing I could have done for myself. They are from Zensah – if you suffer from leg troubles like myself and find yourself having to stretch out more than what you though was humanly possible, check out the site and get yourself a pair (the pink ones are pretty smokin’ hot.) I feel a bit like a cheerleader with these, or a volleyball player, or just a bad ass runner who takes her training seriously.
*Despite my being ill every morning this week – one so much that I had to skip me run – I am extremely grateful for some new music as well as a change in music. I have been listening to “1901″ by Phoenix which makes me want to dance in my kitchen (and on my run, which I refrain from.) I have also been listening to some John Mayer which is a nice change from the ghetto rap and r&b I favor. After awhile all those hard beats and bass give me a headache. Once again, thank you John for bringing joy into another part of my life.
*Tomorrow is Fitbloggin’! I am extremely excited to meet so many of my fellow bloggers – finally – and make some more blends! Baltimore doesn’t know what it’s up for!! I have not even began to pack yet, which is typical for me. I mean, just look at what my room looks like the night before a trip.
Yeeahhhh…have fun with that tonight, right?
Alright, off to work then East Bound and Down tomorrow – look for my crazy curly-headed self tomorrow ladies!!! (I will likely be the one with drink in hand at the cocktail reception, but if all else fails just look for the hair.)
So excited to meet y’all!!!
The Calling
March 16th, 2010 § 7 Comments
The weekend was a success!
I spent the St. Pat’s holiday with two of my hometown gals – Laura and Amy – and I think it’s safe to say we had more than our fair share of fun! Here we’re at Primanti Brothers – famous for putting fries on sandwiches (don’t knock it til you try it – and yes I had one later._ We trekked all over Pittsburgh spreading green cheer along with over 100,000 others!
Looking through pictures and videos from this weekend, I think it’s safe to say I haven’t laughed that much in a long time. These girls are hilarious and truly nothing beats my childhood friends. Love you girls!!
I crashed around 4 p.m. Saturday, only to be woken up several times by Carrie and Jay and his friend, Ryan, bouncing on my bed urging me to wake up and come downstairs to join the party at our house. Eventually I rallied, but I stuck to water the whole night. We ended up playing the post-it note game (I guess it’s similar to the one played in “Inglorious Bastards”) where you have a famous person, movie, etc written on a post-it on your head and you go around in a circle asking yes or no questions to try to figure out who/what you are. It can get pretty hilarious and also pretty tricky but we have played it at a few parties and it’s always a blast!
This is from New Year’s – I don’t have a shot from this weekend, but you get the point - tons of fun as you can see.
And as if I even had to say it, the John Mayer concert was a.maze.ing.
Believe it or not, he sounds even better live than he does in concert. I mean, how often does that happen? He played for two solid hours – a mix of tunes from his current album “Battle Studies,” from previous albums and even a few covers. I can’t pick just one favorite of mine, just know that it was damn good.
Sorry for the shadows! That’s me and my friend, Greg. He’s a fellow journalist I went to college with and probably a bigger John fan than me. He bought a shirt that says “I heart JM” only the heart is a broken heart – the symbol for his tour I am guessing – so when we were waiting for the concert to start we were yelling, “C’mon John Mayer, I broken heart you!!” It was hilarious.
Anyhow, I found everything about John to be completely mesmerizing. I can’t stop listening to his music and wanting to go so badly back to the concert. It’s something about the way you feel when you’re listening to live music – just in the moment – no? He didn’t talk a whole lot, but what he did say was unforgettable. He talked about how he feels lucky and blessed to be able to stand on a stage and do what he does for a living – I know, I know, you probably hear that at every concert, right? Well he talked about how it’s a calling. He said that when you have a calling, it can make life tough. In order to follow it, you have to give up a lot. He said there are so many people who walk this world, fully knowing their calling, and never follow it. “That’s why it’s called a calling,” he said. You have the choice to follow it. I have been going through a lot in my mind about my calling and what my future holds, including everything I’d have to give up to get there, so his words stuck in my mind and have stayed there for four days. I wish I could have recorded it, you just had to be there to feel the passion and truth in what he was saying. I was really surprised, given his interviews as of late, but he does have another side to him – perhaps that’s what sucked Jess and Jen in?? Regardless, he definitely had an impact on me and for that I am so grateful I went.
Name that tune
November 18th, 2009 § 7 Comments
Hi guys! Short post – glad to get feedback on my debt video! I think I must have had too much time on my hands (I was off yesterday) and I spent waaay too much time thinking about it because I had a horrible dream about money!! It involved me shopping, using my debit card to buy gorgeous clothes and scarves, all the while knowing I was overdrafting my account! Ahh!
Speaking of dreams, I am obsessed, seriously obsessed with all of those dream books, dictionaries, etc. I don’t care how accurate they are! It just amazes me some of the things my mind thinks up while I sleep.
Another weird thing that happens every morning when I wake up is that I have a different song in my head. Sometimes, it’s one I have been repeating on my iPod, and other days it is just straight up random.
Like today when the theme song for the 90s show “Hey Dude!”
Remember that? You probably hadn’t thought about it in a long time. Which is why I was totally like, “Whaaaaat?” when that was the song my brain had chosen.
Maybe my psyche is anticipating the trip to Texas next week?
Because for about two hours straight I surely was not listening to country, but rather this:
Ah-MAZE-ing! This man’s music has taken from some pretty developmental times in college through post-college crazy life (loved listening to him to unwind on the train rides home) and back to the Burgh. Although I do not appreciate the crap he put my girl Jen Aniston through (allegedly) I do appreciate lighting some candles and just mellowing out.
What are some of your favorite kinds of music? I love mellow stuff but also rap and r&b for runs/motivation, country (country girl by heart, city girl by dream), 80s music for singing in the car and dancing at the bar and classical for when I am writing and studying (well when I was in school).
I am always open to suggestions – especially good stuff for running! Fast beats = good moves. Please comment or email me!
Happy Hump Day!!
