C’mon Get Higher
April 18th, 2011 § 6 Comments
Day 108
Let’s play a game today. What is this to you?
To me, it is not simply a fire escape. It’s a reminder that sometimes you have to go down before you can come back up again.
Your turn.
With Thanks
March 22nd, 2011 § 4 Comments
Day Eighty-One
If there’s one thing I love about New York, it’s the city’s uncanny ability to give me exactly what I need each time I visit.
This time around I wasn’t the starry-eyed tourist. I wasn’t in need of a getaway from a place I wasn’t sure I belonged. I wasn’t unsettled in my life searching for answers in its streets. I was simply there, accompanying a dear friend, taking in every moment. New York felt less like a magical destination and more like a quaint home; I saw its people as residents; its streets as routes to school and work; its shops and restaurants as an integral part of so many people’s lives.
I listened to conversations and watched people meeting and thought, this is life.
The tall buildings didn’t feel like they were looming over me. The blur of yellow taxis at 8 a.m. felt as ordinary as an afternoon breeze across the open fields of Texas. I got lost and turned around a few times, but I chalked it up to the newness of a place. God knows I got completely lost everywhere I went for the first month I lived here and a metropolitan my ‘hood is not.
I didn’t have as much time to relax and look inside myself. I didn’t need that. Instead, I just lived in the moment. I thought about the here and now. About the oddities of life no matter if you spend yours in an urban sprawl or on a sprawling ranch. That we all wake up each day and have a choice in what to make of it. That we all have days where it takes everything in us just to wake up. That we all mess up and struggle and that no matter how magical the place may seem, eventually the pixie dust gets shaken off and you’re left with the complexity and sweet juxtapositions of every day life.
When Carrie and I parted ways outside the airport, I gave her the biggest hug I had in me and choked back emotion. When I got inside, I stood there, suitcase in tow, staring at security. The tears started and I wiped them away. Several minutes later, I was making my way to my gate, head down, tears leaving a Goldilocks-esque trail behind me through Terminal K. This little routine was nothing new. In fact, it’s the same old song and dance each time I leave my beloved City. Sometimes it’s because I was sad to leave the friend I’d spent time there with. Other times it’s because I felt like I was turning my back on my dreams by getting on a plane.
This time it’s because I realized how beautiful and fleeting life can be. I stopped trying to force my thoughts to New York or nothing and shifted my thoughts to New York and so much more.
New York didn’t take away my big someday dreams of living there. It made me realize that if that is what I want, and that is where I feel called to go, it will be there for me and we will make it work.
So again, I say thank you New York. Thank you for keeping it real, for welcoming me back and letting me go. It’s exactly what I needed.
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Fresh Squeezed Sunday
March 13th, 2011 § 2 Comments
Day Seventy-Two
You know what they say..
When life hands you lemons, spend your morning taking photos of them.
The Power of Words
February 4th, 2010 § 50 Comments
A short time ago, my life took a huge, sharp turn off the path I thought I had all but planned out pretty well for myself. Scary as it may sound, it was a welcome detour not for the scenery but rather for the company I had with me. I met someone who I thought was very wonderful and it was pretty clear he thought the same of me. Our journey together was no casual stroll in the park – it was more like an intense all-out run. One that is challenging in the moment – but rewarding in so many ways. Since the path was new, it opened up my eyes to many things. Among them, the possibility of life changing so much, the possibility of achieving the my dreams in a new exciting way and the probability of having someone to share it with.
Three days ago, I quickly found myself looking over my shoulder realizing I was running alone. When I turned back around I ran full force on to a sheet of ice and slid into a brick wall.
When I came to, I was back in the place I knew so well – the path I was walking down before my run.
When I came to, I was crying for the first time in as long as I could remember. I was holding my head in my hands trying to make sense of it all. Trying to explain it to myself, my friends, my family, my heart. I wanted a do-over. I wanted a hug. A drink. An explanation.
After I got over the initial shock of how I found myself single again – the irrational way in which someone else’s decision was given to me without a say – I began to dissect the conversation. I tried to connect the points made and make some sort of sense for myself why and how it had happened.
One reason he felt we were “on different levels” really bothered me.
“And the whole blogging thing. I don’t get it.”
Let me make a few things clear about that (as I am sure some of you are outraged that was a reason to end a relationship.) While I never rearranged our time together to blog, I am constantly connected to all things Internet through my phone (Twitter, Facebook, Emails, Blog). For as many times as I put it on the opposite side of the room to avoid the blinking red light of my Blackberry and the ping! that meant a new message, I was also sneaking in glances at times when I should have just let it be. I was constantly having to hear remarks about how “I wasn’t myself without my Mac,” which is not true at all. There’d be many nights we’d spend together that I didn’t even crack it open. And for those of you who aren’t regular readers, just look at the sporadic schedule of my posting recently. Granted, I have never posted every day, but my blog has not received the love I vowed to give it January 1st.
When I told those close to me – friends, blends and family alike – this was a reason for the breakup, they were shocked. Writing is the craft I am skilled and educated in. It is my passion and my hobby and something in which I hold a talent in. Right now, this blog is the only place I have to hone and practice that craft and skill. How could someone who seemed to get me not get me at all?
The words of encouragement from these people – and from some I didn’t even expect – floored me. It’s no surprise as I told you all a few posts ago that when I’m down, I’ve got those friends who are below me if only for a second to gain enough room to pick me up and bring me back to where I need to be. The calls, emails, texts, g-chat conversations, Skype dates and hugs have meant so much.
In less than 100 hours, I am doing better than I thought I would. I am coping at such a different level than I would have had this letdown happened a year ago.
I’m looking at this occurrence as a reminder to myself. A reminder that what I’ve stumbled upon – this blogging network of 20-something life, healthy living and food bloggers – is one of the most wonderful occurrences in my life. The network is not only one of shared interests, but one of support and love like I never could have imagined. This occurrence is a reminder that what is important to me is not to fill up my Google Reader with blogs and Tweet and comment to my heart’s desire, but to give back the support, encouragement, laughter and friendship that so many of you have given to me. And to write. My goodness, isn’t it about the writing?
Blogging has given me confidence. It’s taught me to be open and candid and as honest with myself as I am with others. It’s pushed my thought process outside its comfort zone and challenged my ideas and knowledge. It’s something that he just didn’t get. Because he couldn’t. And here’s what: that’s OK. It’s acceptable. It’s life. Thanks to the advice of a wonderful friend, I now know – and I want all of you to know – that if someone can’t value and appreciate you for who you are this second they don’t deserve you for one second.
As with any relationship, there are many lessons – ones that I have learned in a few short days and many that are waiting for me down that familiar path. The point of writing this post is not to point fingers and be outraged and expose someone’s actions. After all, the only people who truly know a relationship are the ones who are in it. The point is to share a story in which I am gaining so much more than I thought I would lose if I found myself here.
If you ever find yourself discouraged because someone doesn’t “get it” – and by “it” I mean your passion – I hope you’ll remember this story. I hope you’ll know that sometimes life – and what you’re made of – can shock the hell out of you. I hope you’ll believe that there’s a force greater than you and I guiding you through the straightaways and detours of your path. And I hope you’ll smile. I know I am.
With a little help from my friends..
January 15th, 2010 § 14 Comments
I’d like to think in my 25 years of walking (and running, and crawling and skipping and driving and…) this planet that I’ve made some friends. My Facebook account would tell you I have 441 of them. Let’s be honest, half the reason that large number exists is because I am too lazy busy to go through and remove the people I have fallen out of touch with. But really, isn’t that the point of Facebook and all other social media – to keep in touch?
Sometimes I wonder how different the friendships in my life would be without social media and the Internet. On one hand, it would be much more of an effort – or at least a different kind of effort – to stay in touch with others. On the other, I never would have “met” and made so many connections with other bloggers or as I like to call y’all, my “blends” (blog+friend = blend. Creative, I know. Roomie came up with that after hearing me talk about my “blogger friends” all the time.)
Whether online or in person, I’ve come to appreciate the different friends I call my own that goes far beyond the “reason season or a lifetime” theory the greeting card industry has defined in so many words.
I’ve got some spectacular friends, the kind that far exceed expectations of being a good person. They are among a core group of people in my life who never cease to amaze me. When I’m high, they’re high. When I’m down, they’re below me if only for a second to gain enough room to pick me up and bring me back to where I need to be. They’re the kind of person I can call no matter the hour, no matter the situation and I know it won’t be answered in annoyance or ignored. If I needed anything – from a kidney to a cup of sugar or even a hug – nothing would keep them away.
I’ve got some extremely fun friends. They are the people I can always count on to keep me laughing and entertained. It doesn’t matter if we’re headed out for a night on the town, taking an impromptu trip to do something unordinary or just hanging out doing something completely normal – we have a damn good time. I usually don’t see these people on a regular basis but we always seem to pick up right where we left off.
I’ve got some really soulful and insightful friends. They are the people I turn to when I need heartfelt advice or encouragement. They are my companions when I want to spend some time appreciating the arts or having an intellectual conversation over a great meal or a few drinks. They reignite my love for culture when the fire has died down to embers and needs more air.
I’ve also got needy friends, whiny friends, unreliable friends, selfish friends and immature friends. In spite of their non-desirable characteristic, at some point they bring or have brought something good to my life. I’d like to think I’ve done the same for them, that possibly I am one of those aforementioned people in their life who brings some sort of consistency to their world.
It’s funny how the types of friends we choose to keep close have changed throughout the years. Kids are drawn to other kids with the coolest toys and the fun house, teenagers are drawn to other teenagers who share their pastimes (good or bad) and accept them for who they are. Young adults? Sometimes they’re drawn to just about anything as they continue to struggle with the ever open-ended question of, “Who Am I?!”
Being in my mid-twenties I still struggle with that question and figuring out what the heck kind of path God has me going down. The lesson here is this: don’t waste your time running toward the crystal ball just over the horizon. You know that one with all the answers? You just end up out of breath, sweaty and feeling like it’s the day after Christmas because all the hype you blew up like a big red balloon has suddenly been deflated and is whizzing around the room with the air sputtering out. Then it drops to the ground and all you’re left with is a saggy piece of rubber.
I like the float theory better. My Mum always said friends – and people in general – are like bubbles. We all just float around and bump into each other forming bigger bubbles. When the time is right, we float away and join another set of bubbles. We’re ever contracting and expanding. My 25 years have seen some great combos and some not-so-pretty formations. Perhaps the only saving grace is knowing that I’ve got more than a few good bubbles out there and the possibility of many more to float my way.
