Happiness Hit Her
April 8th, 2011 § 21 Comments
Day Ninety-Eight
(If you’d like, while you read, listen to the song that inspired this post here after the 30 second advertisement.)
This is the story of a girl. A girl who lived life and loved life as fully as she could every day.
A girl who put herself out for the world to see. A girl who felt that the sometimes world overlooked this vulnerability, and other times it took advantage of it.
A girl who left behind everything she had come to know about herself and about her life in the state she’d always called home.
This girl took a risk and moved her life far, far away. She wasn’t far from loved ones. In fact she moved to be closer to them. But it was the other part of her “family” – her friends – that she thought about and missed dearly each day.
I’m here for a reason, she’d tell herself. God led me here with total peace. There is meaning behind this.
The girl prayed every day to find comfort in her decision. As the days went on, the sadness of missing her friends slowly dissipated. It was replaced by a feeling of normalcy and routine. Still, she couldn’t help but feel unsettled.
She knew she needed good friends. Friends close by. She needed something to bring out the joy that fell by the wayside long before she packed up her car and headed south. It wasn’t the new location that cast a gray tone on her once colorful world. It was not feeling like she was doing something God had put in her that brought her and so many others happiness. It was not feeling like she was meeting a fulfillment. It was like being a jigsaw puzzle that was nearly complete with the exception of three pieces. Three pieces that seemed to be so small but made all the difference in knowing the colorful image was a beautiful flower. Three pieces that made you tilt your head and say, There it is! I see it now.
She prayed for friends. For guidance. For an answer to the question that had been on her mind since she crossed the Pennsylvania state line: How long will I stay? As well as all the ones that went hand in hand with it: Should I stay? What should I do? Where would I go? Will I be happy? Is this the right decision? What am I doing with my life?
Almost 100 days ago, she started a project. A project that had her go – camera in hand – back to the place she left, to the place she loved more than anywhere and to places not far from her own backyard. She stood on countertops, laid on the ground and climbed in ditches. She took thousands of pictures. She opened a studio. She looked at the world differently.
Yesterday, she had a moment. Yesterday I had a moment. A moment so defining that I can classify myself as the me before – the aforementioned girl – and the me after. I had wrapped up a shoot and realized that all those prayers, all those questions and all that resistance I had toward me being where I am in life – both by physical state and state of mind – had a new light shined upon them. I was doing something I loved. I was making a living from it, yes, but it made me feel alive. I realized I had made wonderful friends – ones who lived right around the corner and down the road. Ones with whom I could sit in the kitchen and talk with. Ones who made me laugh until I was keeled over, catching my breath. Ones who made me feel at home.
I was driving to work listening to Florence and the Machine’s Dog Days. It’s a song I’ve heard hundreds of times. But yesterday, it was like I heard it for the first time. Happiness hit her like a train on a track. At first, I was singing along at the top of my lungs. A split second later, I burst into tears. Happy tears. Tears of joy. The dog days are over.
The joy was back, baby. Oh, and what a welcomed return it made into my life.
I don’t think I’ve ever cried tears of joy. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I really cried like that for any reason.
I felt like my heart could burst. And if it did, a million little colorful hearts would come flying out and shoot up towards the sky with me dancing below them. I wanted to jump, scream, shout, hug someone. Instead I just smiled, knowing that God is so good all the time.
If I had one wish right now, it would be for everyone to find their joy. More specifically, that everyone could have the happiness and I am complete moment I have every time I get behind the camera.
If I had another wish, it would be to tell everyone this: stop resisting. Stop pushing away what your right here, right now has in store. Enjoy the moment. Look at it for what it is because you’ll never get it back. Breathe, smile, relax, laugh. Life will never be easy or good or fun all the time but it will be some of the time. Instead of using question marks to pepper the frustrating questions of, Why? When? and How much longer? use them to ask yourself, How can I look at this differently? What lesson can I teach myself from this? and Isn’t life wonderful?
You have plenty of opportunities to be that girl up there – the one who questions everything and looks ahead in the forecast only to miss the bright sunshine of today. Don’t be. Instead, turn off the weatherman. Go outside. Leave all those question marks inside and enjoy the world. And for good measure, keep your camera by the door.
Plush Perspective
February 25th, 2011 § 2 Comments
Day Fifty-Six
This is how I have been feeling lately. Face down with both legs torn off, the cause of my strife looming in the background.
This is how I’m choosing to look at it: with a smile on my face and the cause of my troubles walking away in the other direction.
It’s all about perspective, friends.
Have a great weekend!
Self
February 24th, 2011 § 4 Comments
Day Fifty-Five
Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.
-Sex and the City, Season Six, Finale Part 2
My favorite quote and scene from the series – and that’s saying a lot. I’m turning to it now more than ever.
Today’s lovely photo was made possible in part by our sponsor Cailyn and Brian.
Charged
February 22nd, 2011 § 8 Comments
Day Fifty-Three
I think what can be the hardest sometimes is how far away I feel from my closest friends.
I can use that as an excuse now, but if I were to be honest with you, I still struggled and had hard times when I lived in a town filled with them. Perhaps the greatest lesson in packing up and moving half way across the country has taught me is that love grows and strengthens over time and distance – but only if you let it. Some friendships have flourished in recent months. Others have lessened. Some of the people I know I will always be able to pick up right where we left off. Others – as hard as it can be to admit – will remain but a memory on the path behind me.
It’s times like these that I find comfort in the words of others who have felt this same heartache. Those who have watched as their loved ones set out – or harder yet, been the ones to look over their shoulder and wave goodbye.
Lately, I’ve been watching several episodes of Master Class on the Oprah Winfrey Network. My favorite thus far has been Maya Angelou. When she spoke these words, I hit rewind and paused to write them down.
“Love liberates. It doesn’t bind. Love says, ‘I love you. I love you if you’re in China. I love you if you’re in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you; I’d like to have your arms around me; I’d like to have your voice in my ear. But that’s not possible now. So, I love you. Go.‘”
I can’t remember if Angelou was speaking of a romantic love or not. Still, it doesn’t matter. Love boils down to just that and in matters of the heart, missing someone who is a dear friend has its own unique ache. Lucky for me, I have friends who would say this to me. In fact, they did. They told me to go; go out into the world and seek what it is I am looking for – they’d love me no matter what.
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve reached for the phone after midnight or the frantic emails I’ve sent; the hard days when all I could wish for was a hug and a quick drive down a familiar street for some consolation and a warm cup of coffee.
Being apart doesn’t make it any easier on a friendship, or any relationship for that matter. If anything, it takes more work, planning and time. From that, the joy comes in knowing your friends have laid the wiring down just right and you’re left with a whole string of lights between your heart and theirs. And because you know it will, a bulb will cease its glow at the most inopportune time – right before that big presentation, the night before your grandmother’s funeral or even after a really great date. You’ll flip the switch up and down, unplug the string to see if it’s just a glitch. You’ll brace yourself to have to deal with darkness for awhile.
Meanwhile, your friend the electrician will be there to swap it out for a new one before you know it.
And so you will do the same for them. You’ve got the tools to fix their end of the string.
Bulbs burn out. People die. Lives get picked up and moved across the country. Babies are born. Weddings and job promotions and major life changes happen every day. We all take our turns. These events are big deals. They’re important.
No matter how hectic the schedule, filled the calendar, empty the gas tank, low the bank account, happy the birthday, exciting the news – remember the wiring.
And always keep an extra light bulb handy.
Calling Out
February 20th, 2011 § 2 Comments
Day Fifty-One
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my my reflection; What it is I see when I look at myself; what others see; how my reflection is an image of God; how it’s not. None of us are perfect here, but I’ve been struggling a lot lately to keep my focus on my faith, my passion and my number one priority – myself.
Does this sound like struggles you’ve been facing, too? I feel like for whatever reason, a lot of us are going through a struggling season right now. I’ve been taking some steps to keep standing firm and I want to take this week to focus on them. If there’s something particular you’d like to seen discussed here, please comment below or feel free to shoot me an email. You can reach me here: thetwentyfifthyear [at] gmail (dot) com. It doesn’t have to be about faith, religion or spirituality, either – just anything on your mind! I’m feeling called to get involved this week with this amazing community and looking forward to it!
